不在辦公室留言指南 The out of date out of office message
When Professor Randy Pausch took a month off work for his honeymoon, his boss at Carnegie Mellon University insisted that he be reachable. So he recorded a message for when people tried to call. On it he explained that he’d waited until 39 to get married. Then he gave the names of his new in-laws and the town they lived in, so a caller could get their number from directory assistance. Then, lastly: “If you can convince my in-laws that your emergency merits interrupting their only daughter’s honeymoon, they have our number.”
當蘭迪波許(Randy Pausch)教授爲了度蜜月而休假一個月時，他在卡內基梅隆大學(Carnegie Mellon University)的老闆堅持要能聯繫上他。因此，他爲打電話找他的人錄了一段語音留言。在留言中，他解釋說，自己一直等到39歲才結婚。然後，他說出了自己岳父母的名字及他們居住的小鎮，這樣來電者可以從查號服務檯查到他們的電話號碼。最後他說：“如果你能說服我岳父母，你的緊急情況值得打斷他們的獨女的蜜月，他們有我們的電話。”
I was thinking about this clever out-of-office notification as I tried to construct my own in email form. Prof Pausch’s honeymoon message is a story from a more technologically innocent age — it was about 15 years ago, which is at least 100 in internet years. Back then, aside from the hurdles put in place by determined honeymooners, there were also plausible reasons to be out of touch. Now, technology is so good that it’s ruined our favourite excuses for not being reachable. Writing that one has “limited” or “intermittent” access to email is usually no more than a declaration that one intends to be choosy about dealing with it.
當我試圖構思我自己的“不在辦公室”自動回覆電子郵件時，我腦子裏在想的就是這個聰明的“不在辦公室”通知。波許教授的蜜月留言是科技還不那麼發達時代的故事——發生在大約15年前，如果用互聯網年計算，至少相當於100年前。那時候，除了決心度蜜月的新婚夫婦設置的障礙，也有其他貌似合理的理由失去聯繫。如今，科技如此發達，以至於已經毀掉了我們在希望不被打擾時最喜歡使用的藉口。寫下自己只能“有限地”或“間歇地”訪問電子郵箱，通常無異於宣佈你打算有選擇性地處理電子郵件。
But this is only half the story. The other is that technology, particularly when it comes to the out-of-office message, hasn’t kept up. There’s a robot that walks like a dog and cars drive themselves, so why don’t we have smarter ways to manage time spent away from work?
但這只是故事的一面。故事的另一面是科技（尤其是當涉及到“不在辦公室”的留言時）沒能跟上時代。我們擁有可以像狗一樣行走的機器人，有可以自動駕駛的汽車，但爲什麼我們沒有更智能的方法來管理休假的時間呢？
An obvious improvement would be to add functionality to email clients that spreadsheet software has had for years: warnings that self-referential loops, aka “circular references”, have been created. This affliction hits parts of Europe especially hard in August. Person A is out of the office, please contact Person B if it’s urgent. Person B says the same, refers emailer to Person C in an emergency. Person C refers to Person A. It is either a clever ruse or poor planning, but given that everyone is already emotionally and mentally, if not physically, out of the door when they set this up, it’s probably the latter.
一個明顯的改善可能是在電子郵件客戶端添加電子表格軟件多年前就具備的功能：已經產生自動指向循環（也叫“環狀指向”）的警告。這一“剋星”在8月的歐洲部分地區尤其折磨人。甲稱自己不在辦公室，如果情況緊急的話，請聯繫乙。乙重複甲的話，讓發信人在緊急情況下去找丙。丙又將緊急聯繫人設爲甲。這種情形如果不是一種聰明的策略，就是計劃不周，但是考慮到在這種循環被設立時，每個人早已在心理上和頭腦上（如果不是實際上）離開了辦公室，很可能是後一種。
From this it logically follows that any new out-of-office technology would have to respect the fact that having high quality time off is a team effort. So one of the top features for development should be a warning that pops up when you’re about to email someone from whom you’ve already received an out-of-office. The system will be smart enough to consider the dates that the holiday-maker said they were away in their email. This isn’t my idea. It’s covered by a US patent filed (grant pending) in 2006 that’s owned by IBM.
由此可合理推斷出，任何新的“不在辦公室”技術都必須尊重這樣的事實：享受高質量的休假時間要靠團隊努力。因此，開發的首要功能之一應該是，當你要給一個你已經收到“不在辦公室”回覆的人發郵件時，系統會自動彈出警告。這一系統將足夠智能，能夠記住度假者在郵件中說過的休假日期。這不是我的主意。一項2006年申請的美國專利（等待許可）就包含此項功能，這項專利歸IBM所有。
I’d like it to go one further by having it hook up with an email scheduling service, giving you the option to forward the conversation to the well-slept sod on the day of their return in order to make absolutely clear that yes, they were right to wish that they could have just stayed in the Lake District forever.
我想更進一步，讓這一功能與電子郵件日程安排服務相連接，讓你可以選擇可以將郵件推遲至那個正在享受充足睡眠的討厭鬼回來上班的那天發送，以清楚地表明，是的，他們本想永遠待在湖區(Lake District)不回來的想法是正確的。
Provided colleagues heeded the warnings, such functionality would be a boon to those of us who have poor self-control when it comes to unplugging from the Matrix. It would also, however, provide the added bonus of making it abundantly clear who the most and least helpful people are when we are attempting down time.
如果你的同事聽從了這些警告，這樣的功能對於那些難以從旅行中收心、自制力較差的人將是一個福音。然而，它還將提供額外的好處：讓你充分認清在你想要休息時，誰是最幫忙的，誰是最添亂的。
Perhaps in the year after the release of a new add-in to Gmail or Outlook that provides this tool, the survey for the 100 Best Companies to Work For could include a Jerk Index measuring the number of out-of-office notices heeded versus overridden.
也許在提供這種工具的Gmail或Outlook新插件發佈之後，對100家最佳僱主(Best Companies to Work For)的調查可能包括一項“傻瓜指數”(Jerk Index)——測算 “不在辦公室通知”被聽從的與被無視的數量之比。
The next new feature would generate a public plausibility score for a given out-of-office message. If the message says “intermittent access” but the person is replying to messages at a rate that implies that they want an excuse not to spend time with their family, their plausibility score would be near zero.
下一個新功能將對某人的“不在辦公室”留言打出一個公開的可信度評分。如果留言說可“間歇訪問”郵箱，但此人回覆信息的速度暗示他們想找個不跟家人待在一塊兒的理由，他們的可信度評分將接近於零。
If the message says “no access” and the person replies to anything, this system will send them an image of US talk-show host Maury Povich along with the text: “Your out-of-office said that you wouldn’t be replying to emails. The fact that you replied determined that was a lie.”
如果留言說“無法訪問”郵箱，而此人又回覆所有郵件，該系統將給他們發送一張美國脫口秀主持人莫里波維奇(Maury Povich)的照片，並附上文字：“你的‘不在辦公室’留言說你不會回覆郵件。而你回覆了，說明那是一個謊言。”
As for my own message, I decided on something non-committal. Until technology catches up, I might as well keep my options open. Oh, and I left Person B out of it. He’s not in anyway.
至於我自己的“不在辦公室”留言，我決定含糊其辭。在科技手段還不足的時候，我還是保留自己的選擇權吧。噢，我也沒有設置乙爲緊急聯繫人。反正他也休假了。
