只要認識到一點就能化敵爲友大綱

Turn Enemies into Friends with One Little Acknowledgment

只要認識到一點就能化敵爲友

Hope as you may, you’re just not going to love every person you meet. In fact, you may outright hate a few—but you don’t have to. A study coming out of the University of Groningen indicates that a little shift in the way you approach disliked people could alleviate a lot of those negative feelings.

雖然你會希望能愛上所見到的每一個人，但事實卻並非如此。事實上，你可能會十分討厭一些人----但其實你不必討厭這些人。格羅寧根大學的一項研究表明只要你在接觸你不喜歡的人時，稍微改變一下方式，就可以減輕很多的負面情感。

Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, writing for Psychology Today, examined a study conducted by psychologist Melvyn Hamstra (and his colleagues) that looked at how our biases and opinions color the way we judge others. They found that when you meet someone you have a lot in common with, you tend to make more of an effort to like them. The opposite goes for the someone you don’t have much in common with: you’ll make an effort to avoid them.

爲《今日心理》寫作的蘇珊.克勞斯.惠特伯恩博士檢測了一項研究，該研究是由心理學家梅爾文.漢姆斯塔（及其同事）開展的，研究我們的偏見和觀點是如何歪曲我們對別人判斷的。他們發現，當你與有很多共同點的人見面時，你會試圖盡力去更喜歡這個人。但如果你與沒有什麼共同點的人見面，情況就恰恰相反：你會盡力去避免他。

So what can you do to fix that? Whitbourne explains：

那麼你應該怎樣做來處理這個事呢？惠特伯恩解釋道：

The Hamstra et al. study suggests that you first tune into the dimension of your personality that represents a lack of fit with the target of your disdain. The individual may not be a bad person, but just someone whose personality doesn’t fit your own. You’re a pessimist and this person is an eternal optimist. Or you’re outgoing and relaxed, and this person seems uptight and reserved. The Hamstra findings also suggest that the more of a mismatch there is, the more strongly your venom will flow toward this person. Recognizing the subjective nature of your reaction to the person you don’t “like” can become the first step toward seeking a common ground. Talking through your differences, perhaps in the presence of a third party, could help both of you figure out how to not only agree to differ, but to form the yin to each other’s yang. You may not end up as best friends, but you can at least learn to respect, and ultimately work, in the face of your differences.

漢姆斯塔和他同事的研究表明：首先你要調諧你的個性維度，你的個性維度與你不喜歡的目標不合拍。你不喜歡的這個人也許不是壞人，但是他的個性與你的個性不搭。例如你是一個悲觀主義者，而這個人永遠都是樂觀主義者。或者你十分外向，放鬆，而這個人看起來很緊張，含蓄。漢姆斯塔的研究同樣表明你和這個人越不搭，你就越不喜歡這個人。當你意識到你對這個不喜歡的人的反應屬於主觀本質時，就邁出了尋找共同點的第一步。也許在第三方在場的情況下，談論你們的不同點，不僅可以使雙方知道如何去認同大家的不同點，而且還能將彼此的陰陽相結合。你們也許最終並不會成爲最好的朋友，但至少你們會相互尊重，最終能在知道彼此存在不同的情況下，互相合作。

All it takes is a little acknowledgment. If you can talk about your differences you can avoid hating them.

所有這一切只要你認知到這一點：如果你們能夠談論彼此間的不同，那麼你們就能避免互相討厭。