憑什麼女孩就該遠離危險 勇氣並非男生專利
I WAS one of the first women in the San Francisco Fire Department. For more than a dozen years, I worked on a busy rig in a tough neighborhood where rundown houses caught fire easily and gangs fought with machetes and .22s. I’ve pulled a bloated body from the bay, performed CPR on a baby and crawled down countless smoky hallways.
我曾是舊金山消防局第一批女消防隊員。十多年來，我帶着整套裝備，在環境惡劣的社區裏工作。那裏破舊失修的房屋極易失火，幫派拿着砍刀和.22口徑的槍支火拼。我曾從海灣裏拖出過泡脹的屍體，給孩子做心臟復甦，也曾在無數條煙霧瀰漫的走廊裏匍匐前行。
I expected people to question whether I had the physical ability to do the job (even though I was a 5-foot-10, 150-pound ex-college athlete). What I didn’t expect was the question I heard more than any other: “Aren’t you scared?”
我預料到人們會問，我是否有足夠的體力做這份工作——即使我5英尺10英寸（約1.78米）高，體重150磅（約68公斤），曾是大學運動員。我沒料到的是，我比其他任何人都容易遇到這個問題：“你不害怕嗎？”
It was strange — and insulting — to have my courage doubted. I never heard my male colleagues asked this. Apparently, fear is expected of women.
質疑我的勇氣不僅很奇怪，而且很羞辱人。我從來不曾聽見我的男同事被問到這個問題。恐懼對於女性而言，顯然是理所當然。
This fear conditioning begins early. Many studies have shown that physical activity — sports, hiking, playing outdoors — is tied to girls’ self-esteem. And yet girls are often warned away from doing anything that involves a hint of risk.
對於恐懼的這種條件反射在很早就開始了。許多研究已經表明，體力活動，包括運動、徒步遠足和戶外活動，都和女孩的自尊心緊密相連。然而，女孩常被告誡要遠離任何有一絲危險的事情。
One study focused on, coincidentally, a playground fire pole, is particularly revealing. It was published in The Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology and showed that parents cautioned their daughters about the dangers of the fire pole significantly more than they did their sons and were much more likely to assist them. But both moms and dads directed their sons to face their fears, with instruction on how to complete the task on their own.
一項恰巧關注遊樂場滑桿的研究，尤其發人深省。這篇發表在《應用發展心理學雜誌》(The Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology)上的文章顯示，比起對兒子，父母更加擔心女兒玩滑桿會遇到危險，而且更傾向於幫助她們。但父母都要求兒子直面恐懼，指導他們如何靠自己完成這項挑戰。
I spoke recently to a friend who admitted that she cautioned her daughter much more than her son. “But she’s very klutzy,” the mom explained. I wondered, wasn’t there a way even a klutzy child could take risks? My friend agreed there might be, but only halfheartedly, and I could see on her face that maternal instinct was sparring with feminism, and feminism was losing.
我最近和一位朋友交談，她承認比起對兒子，她更擔心她的女兒。“但她真的很笨手笨腳，”這位母親辯解道。我很好奇，一個笨拙的孩子難道就沒辦法去經歷風險？我的朋友同意或許有辦法，但她立場並不堅定。從她的臉上，我可以感受到母性本能正在和女權主義搏鬥，而女權主義失敗了。
I had been a klutzy child, too. I was also shy, and scared of many things: big kids, whatever might be under my bed at night, school. But I pored over National Geographic and “Harriet the Spy.” I knew all about Sir Lancelot and the Knights of the Round Table, who wandered the countryside swearing oaths of bravery and honor. None of these characters talked about fear. They talked about courage, exploration and exciting deeds.
我也曾是個笨手笨腳的孩子。我也很害羞，懼怕很多事：比我大的孩子、在夜裏也許藏在我牀底的什麼東西，還有學校。但我也全神貫注地讀着《國家地理》(National Geographic)和《小間諜哈瑞特》(Harriet the Spy)。我熟知蘭斯洛特爵士(Sir Lancelot)和圓桌騎士(Knights of the Round Table)的故事，他們遊歷四方，昭示着勇敢和榮譽。這些人物從未談到恐懼。他們談論的是勇氣、探索和功績。
So I biked down a steep country road (and hit a car). I sledded down an icy hill (and hit a tree). I don’t remember my parents freaking out; they seemed to understand that mishaps were part of childhood. I got a few stitches, and kept biking and sledding. Misadventures meant that I should try again. With each triumph over fear and physical adversity, I gained confidence.
我曾騎着自行車衝下鄉間路的陡坡（撞上了一輛車）；我也曾坐着雪橇滑下冰峯（撞上了一棵樹）。我不記得我父母抓狂過，他們看上去很理解，小意外不斷總是童年的一部分。我縫了幾針後，依然會去騎自行車和滑雪橇。挫敗意味着我應該再嘗試一次。隨着每一次克服恐懼，戰勝挫折，我在勝利中獲得了自信。
I recently asked my mother why she never tried to stop me. She said that her own mother had been very fearful, gasping at anything remotely rough-and-tumble. “I had been so discouraged from having adventures, and I wanted you to have a more exciting childhood,” she told me.
我最近問母親，爲什麼她從來不試圖阻止我。她說，她的媽媽曾經非常擔驚受怕，任何一點小動靜都會讓她倒抽一口冷氣。“我以前一直很害怕冒險，但我希望你擁有一個更精彩的童年，”她告訴我。
My mom is an outlier. According to a study in The Journal of Pediatric Psychology last year, parents are “four times more likely to tell girls than boys to be more careful” after mishaps that are not life-threatening but do entail a trip to the emergency room. It seems like a reasonable warning. But there is a drawback, and the researchers remarked on it: “Girls may be less likely than boys to try challenging physical activities, which are important for developing new skills.” This study points to an uncomfortable truth: We think our daughters are more fragile, both physically and emotionally, than our sons.
我的母親是一個孤例。去年《兒科心理學雜誌》(The Journal of Pediatric Psychology)發表的一項研究結果稱，在發生不危及生命但的確需要趕到急診室的意外事件之後，父母“告誡女兒要小心的可能性，比兒子高四倍”。這似乎是一個合理的警告。但也有一個不良後果，研究人員評價道：“女孩嘗試具有挑戰性的體育活動的可能性就降低了，而這對發展新技能是很重要的。”這項研究指出了一個令人不安的真相：我們認爲女兒無論是生理上還是情感上，都比兒子更脆弱。
Nobody is saying that injuries are good, or that girls should be reckless. But risk taking is important. Gever Tulley, the author of “50 Dangerous Things (You Should Let Your Children Do),” encourages girls and boys to own pocketknives, light fires and throw spears, arguing that dangerous activities under supervision can teach kids responsibility, problem-solving and confidence. It follows that by cautioning girls away from these experiences, we are not protecting them. We are failing to prepare them for life.
並不是說受傷是好事，也不是說女孩應該莽撞，但經歷風險是很重要的。《這50件危險的事應該讓孩子去做》一書的作者吉佛·圖利(Gever Tulley)鼓勵讓女孩和男孩擁有自己的摺疊刀，點火、扔標槍，他認爲在監督之下做危險的事情可以教會孩子負起責任、解決問題、擁有信心。如此推論，警告女孩不要體驗這些事情，並不是在保護她們，而是未能讓她們爲生活做好準備。
When a girl learns that the chance of skinning her knee is an acceptable reason not to attempt the fire pole, she learns to avoid activities outside her comfort zone. Soon many situations are considered too scary, when in fact they are simply exhilarating and unknown. Fear becomes a go-to feminine trait, something girls are expected to feel and express at will. By the time a girl reaches her tweens no one bats an eye when she screams at the sight of an insect.
當一個女孩瞭解到“膝蓋可能會破皮”是不去嘗試滑桿的合理理由，她就會去學着躲避舒適區以外的事情。很快，有很多事情就會被認爲過於可怕，儘管實際上那些事情只是讓人興奮、充滿未知。恐懼成了女性的典型特徵，人們預期女孩會感到恐懼，也會任意表達恐懼。快到青春期的時候，當一個女孩看到昆蟲後驚呼，也不會有誰感到驚訝。
When girls become women, this fear manifests as deference and timid decision making. We try to counter this conditioning by urging ourselves to “lean in.” Books on female empowerment proliferate on our shelves. I admire what these writers are trying to do — but they come far too late.
當女孩變成女人後，這種恐懼就會體現爲順從和決策時的靦腆。我們通過督促自己“向前一步”來對抗這種境況。關於女性賦權的書擺滿了書架。我很欣賞這些作者試圖做的事情——但這都來得太晚了。
We must chuck the insidious language of fear (Be careful! That’s too scary!) and instead use the same terms we offer boys, of bravery and resilience. We need to embolden girls to master skills that at first appear difficult, even dangerous. And it’s not cute when a 10-year-old girl screeches, “I’m too scared.”
我們必須摒棄那種灌輸恐懼的語言——小心點！太嚇人了！——這在潛移默化間產生了負面的影響。應該講與形容男孩子一樣的，褒揚勇氣和堅韌的話。我們需要鼓勵女孩去掌握那些一開始看起來困難、甚至危險的技能。10歲的女孩尖厲地叫喊“我好害怕呀”，這並不是可愛。
When I worked as a firefighter, I was often scared. Of course I was. So were the men. But fear wasn’t a reason to quit. I put my fear where it belonged, behind my feelings of focus, confidence and courage. Then I headed, with my crew, into the burning building.
我在擔任消防員期間，時常感到害怕。我當然害怕，那些男人也怕。但恐懼並不是退縮的理由。我把恐懼感放在了該放的地方，放在了我專注、自信、勇敢的情緒背後。之後我與戰友並肩走進了燃起熊熊烈火的建築物。
