雙語散文:致命的懷疑 Deadly Suspect
一個高三男生自殺了, 他從5樓宿舍的窗戶跳了下去, 原因竟然是因爲他母親對他的懷疑。
A senior high school student committed suicide by jumping from the windows on the fifth floor. The reason was stunningly simple: his mother did not trust him.
男孩4歲的時候, 父親就在車禍中喪生了。他和母親相依爲命, 感情一直很好。那年冬天, 學校要求住校, 母親在宿舍裏替兒子張羅好一切後才離開。快到家的時候, 她發覺自己的包不見了。急忙打電話問兒子見到她的包沒有。兒子說, 母親臨走前把包落在了他牀上。他下午剛好沒課, 把包給母親送過去。
The boy’s father lost his life during a car crash when he was 4 years old. Since then, he lived with his mother and they had been in good relationship. In the winter of the year when the tragedy took place, the school required all students to live on campus. The boy’s mother helped him settle his accommodation before she left. When she was about home, she found that her wallet was lost. She was hastily calling her son, asking him whether he had seen it or not. Her son told her that she had left the wallet on his bed when she left. Coincidentally, the boy had no classes in the afternoon, so he brought the wallet back to her mother.
母子倆約好在一家飯店一起吃晚餐。寒風裏, 兒子趕到飯店大堂的時候, 臉被凍得通紅。她接過包, 扭身帶着兒子往裏面邊走邊打開了包, 然後拿出錢來邊走邊數。
They had agreed to dine in a restaurant where they would meet. It was very cold that night. When the boy hurried to the hall of the restaurant, his face was red with cold. The woman took over the wallet and carefully examined everything in the wallet to see whether some money had been missing or not when walking into the restaurant with her son.
兒子突然停住了腳步, 生硬地說:“媽, 我纔想起來晚上還有自習, 我得回去了。”說完轉身就消失在風裏。
All of a sudden, the boy halted his steps and said coldly to the woman, “Mum, I am so sorry that I forgot I still have to study tonight, so I’ve got to go now.” Then, the boy quickly disappeared in front of the woman in the icy night.
午夜, 她接到了校長親自打來的電話。等她匆匆趕到學校的時候, 看到的卻是兒子冰冷的屍體。
In the midnight, the woman received a call from the headmaster of the school. When she arrived at the school hastily, she could only see his son’s lifeless icy body.
男孩自殺前的最後一頁日記上這樣寫着:“媽媽竟然在我把包送過去之後, 看了看裏面的卡, 還數了數裏面的錢, 她竟然不相信我!世界上最疼我的人、我最愛的媽媽竟然都不相信我!我真不知道活在這個世界上還有什麼意思!”
The last page on the boy’s diary before he committed suicide wrote: “my mum did not trust me when I returned the wallet to her. To my sadness, she examined everything inside the wallet to see whether I had stolen her money! The person who loved me most and who I loved most did not trust me! I really could not figure out any sense of living in this world now!”
我無意再評說男孩的自殺, 我要說的是男孩的自殺帶給我們的思考和警示。男孩的母親一個無意的舉動, 竟然在不知不覺間傷害了兒子脆弱的心靈, 讓他脆弱的內心世界轟然崩潰! 生活中, 我們有太多無心、無覺的習慣, 但對於深愛着我們或者我們深愛的人來說, 一個看似無心的舉動卻可能讓他們內心愛的世界無聲地坍塌。
Here I am not focusing on the tragedy itself but on the lessons we should learn from it. The boy’s mother’s one casual motion had tremendously hurt her son’s frail heart unwittingly, making his inner mental world collapse in a second! Actually in our lives, we have too many unwitting motions that become a great blow to the hearts of those who love us or who we love.
我們常常自覺或者不自覺地懷疑自己、懷疑別人。懷疑自己是缺乏自信的表現, 而懷疑別人很多時候是因爲缺少信任, 殊不知這種懷疑常常會導致我們意想不到的惡果。懷疑自己導致我們內心受挫, 總是生活在失敗的陰影裏;懷疑別人則讓我們缺乏安全感, 總是生活在自己假想的危險中。
We often consciously or unconsciously practice a skeptical attitude towards ourselves or others. Self-skepticism is the symptom of lacking confidence while doubting others is due to the lack of trust in them. We would never imagine this sort of skepticism would trigger some astoundingly negative consequences. Doubting ourselves would discourage our inner confidence and torture us in the shadow of failure, while doubting others would make us fell short of security and live in the state of danger presumed by ourselves.
（原文: 選自小故事網 譯者: 愛爾蘭都柏林大學 賴小琪）
