經典科幻文學:《生命 宇宙及一切》第14章2

Two grillion, m’lud. The Clerk sat down. A hydrospectic photo of him at this point would have revealed that he was steaming slightly.
Judiciary Pag gazed once more around the courtroom, wherein were assembled hundreds of the very highest officials of the entire Galactic administration, all in their ceremonial uniforms or bodies, depending on metabolism and custom. Behind a wall of Zap-Proof Crystal stood a representative group of the people of Krikkit, looking with calm, polite loathing at all the aliens gathered to pass judgment on them. This was the most momentous occasion in legal history, and Judiciary Pag knew it.
He took out his chewing gum and stuck it under his chair.
That’s a whole lotta stiffs, he said quietly.
The grim silence in the courtroom seemed in accord with this view.
So, like I said, these are a bunch of really sweet guys, but you.wouldn’t want to share a Galaxy with them, not if they’re just gonna keep at it, not if they’re not gonna learn to relax a little. I mean it’s just gonna be continual nervous time, isn’t it, right? Pow, pow, pow, when are they next coming at us? Peaceful coexistence is just right out, right? Get me some water somebody, thank you.
He sat back and sipped reflectively.
OK, he said, hear me, hear me. It’s, like, these guys, you know, are entitled to their own view of the Universe. And according to their view, which the Universe forced on them, right, they did right. Sounds crazy, but I think you’ll agree. They believe in…
He consulted a piece of paper which he found in the back pocket of his Judicial jeans.
They believe in “peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms”.
He shrugged.
I’ve heard a lot worse, he said.
He scratched his crotch reflectively.
Freeeow, he said. He took another sip of water, then held it up to the light and frowned at it. He twisted it round.
Hey, is there something in this water? he said.
Er, no, m’lud, said the Court Usher who had brought it to him, rather nervously.
Then take it away, snapped Judiciary Pag, and put something in it. I got an idea.
He pushed away the glass and leaned forward.
Hear me, hear me, he said.
The solution was brilliant, and went like this:
The planet of Krikkit was to be enclosed for perpetuity in an envelope of Slo-Time, inside which life would continue almost infinitely slowly. All light would be deflected round the envelope so that it would remain invisible and impenetrable. Escape from the envelope would be utterly impossible unless it were locked from the outside.
When the rest of the Universe came to its final end, when the whole of creation reached its dying fall (this was all, of course, in the days before it was known that the end of the Universe would be a spectacular catering venture) and life and matter ceased to exist, then the planet of Krikkit and its sun would emerge from its Slo-Time envelope and continue a solitary existence, such as it craved, in the twilight of the Universal void.
The Lock would be on an asteroid which would slowly orbit the envelope.
The key would be the symbol of the Galaxy the Wikkit Gate.
By the time the applause in the court had died down, Judiciary Pag was already in the Sens-O-Shower with a rather nice member of the jury that he’d slipped a note to half an hour earlier.

“兩考兆，法官大人。”書記坐了下來。此時如果看他的水象圖照片，就能發現他頭上正冒着蒸汽呢。
帕格法官再次環視法庭。幾百位銀河系最高領導聚集於此，身着正式服裝或軀體——取決於其新陳代謝方式及習俗。在一面防彈玻璃後面，站着幾位版求人代表。他們安靜而禮貌地看着、恨着面前這些正在審判他們的外星人。帕格法官知道，這是法律史上至關重要的一刻。
他吐出口香糖，把它粘到椅子下面。
“真夠白癡的。”他自言自語道。
法庭裏可怕的沉默，烘托着此時的氣氛。
“所以啊，我說過，他們是一羣挺好的傢伙，但你不會太想跟他們呆在一個星系的。就算他們肯也不行，就算他們學會放輕鬆也不行。我是說，那會很嚇人的。是吧？嗯？砰！砰！砰！他們下一步還會做什麼呢？和平共處根本不可能，是吧？誰給我杯水？謝謝。”
他靠回椅子，若有所思地呷了一口。
“OK。”他說，“聽着聽着。是這樣的，這些傢伙，你們知道，都是爲了他們的宇宙觀。就他們那宇宙觀——認爲宇宙在逼他們——來說，是吧？他們做的是對的。聽着很瘋狂，但我想你們會同意的。他們信仰的是……”
他從法官牛仔褲口袋裏掏出一張紙，看了看。
“他們信仰的是‘和平、正義、道德、文化、體育、家庭生活，以及滅絕其他所有生命形式。”
他聳聳肩。
“我還聽過更爛的呢。”他說。
他若有所思地撓撓胯部。
“自由噢！！！”他說。他又呷了一口水，把那杯水對着燈光舉起來，眯着眼看了看。他把水搖了搖。
“嘿，水裏是不是有什麼東西？”他問。
“呃，沒有，法官大人。”傳達員相當緊張地答道。
“那就拿去，”帕格法官不耐煩地說，“放點東西。我有主意了。”
他把水杯推開，身體前傾。
“聽着，聽着。”他說。
判決十分完美。內容如下：
版求行星，將被永遠地封在緩時封皮之內。封皮裏的生命速度將無限放慢。封皮周圍的一切光線都會被扭曲。因此，它是看不見的，也無法穿透。逃出封皮幾乎不可能，除非從外面打開。
當外面的整個宇宙走向終結，當所有生物走向衰亡之時，版求星和它的恆星纔會從緩時封皮裏放出來，繼續正常的生活——正如他們所願，生活在宇宙的末日。當然，當時人們還沒有認識到，宇宙盡頭其實非常壯麗、大有可觀。
封皮的鎖，則置於一顆小行星上，緩慢地繞着封皮運轉。
鑰匙則是銀河系的象徵——叄柱門。
法庭上的掌聲尚未停歇，帕格法官已經在自動感應浴室裏了，正和他半小時前遞了紙條的那個美人陪審員一起洗澡呢。