經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第17章3

For a few interminable seconds the Restaurant span silently through the raging void. Then Max spoke again.
“For those of you who ever hoped to see the light at the end of the tunnel,” he said, “this is it.”
The band struck up again.
“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,” cried Max, “I’ll be back with you again in just a moment, and meanwhile I leave you in the very capable hands of Mr. Reg Nullify and his cataclysmic Combo. Big hand please ladies and gentlemen for Reg and the boys!”
The baleful turmoil of the skies continued. Hesitantly the audience began to clap and after a moment or so normal conversation resumed. Max began his round of the tables, swapping jokes, shouting with laughter, earning his living.
A large dairy animal approached Zaphod Beeblebrox’s table, a large fat meaty quadruped of the bovine type with large watery eyes, small horns and what might almost have been an ingratiating smile on its lips.
“Good evening,” it lowed and sat back heavily on its haunches, “I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body?” It harrumphed and gurgled a bit, wriggled its hind quarters into a more comfortable position and gazed peacefully at them.
Its gaze was met by looks of startled bewilderment from Arthur and Trillian, a resigned shrug from Ford Prefect and naked hunger from Zaphod Beeblebrox.
“Something off the shoulder perhaps?” suggested the animal, “Braised in a white wine sauce?”
“Er, your shoulder?” said Arthur in a horrified whisper.
“But naturally my shoulder, sir,” mooed the animal contentedly, “nobody else’s is mine to offer.”
Zaphod leapt to his feet and started prodding and feeling the animal’s shoulder appreciatively.
“Or the rump is very good,” murmured the animal. “I’ve been exercising it and eating plenty of grain, so there’s a lot of good meat there.” It gave a mellow grunt, gurgled again and started to chew the cud. It swallowed the cud again.
“Or a casserole of me perhaps?” it added.
“You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it?” whispered Trillian to Ford.
“Me?” said Ford, with a glazed look in his eyes, “I don’t mean anything.”
“That’s absolutely horrible,” exclaimed Arthur, “the most revolting thing I’ve ever heard.”
“What’s the problem, Earthman?” said Zaphod, now transferring his attention to the animal’s enormous rump. “I just don’t want to eat an animal that’s standing here inviting me to,” said Arthur, “it’s heartless.”
“Better than eating an animal that doesn’t want to be eaten,” said Zaphod.
“That’s not the point,” Arthur protested. Then he thought about it for a moment. “Alright,” he said, “maybe it is the point. I don’t care, I’m not going to think about it now. I’ll just… er…”
The Universe raged about him in its death throes.

在似乎永無止境的幾秒鐘內，整個餐館在狂暴的虛空巾寂靜地旋轉衄後，馬克斯終於義開口了。
“你們希望見到宇宙隧道盡頭的光芒，”他說，“這就是了。”
樂隊重新開始演奏。
“謝謝，女士們先生們，”馬克斯喊道，“我待會兒再回來陪你們，而現在，我將把你們交給瑞格·納利發先生那異常靈巧的手以及他的大洪水爵士樂隊？掌聲熱烈些吧，女士們、先生們，爲瑞格和他的夥伴們！”
天空中，邪惡的騷動繼續着。但片刻之後，正常的交談就恢復了，馬克斯開始在餐桌問穿棱，和客人們開着玩笑，一邊大笑一邊高聲喊叫，以此賺取自己的生活費。
一頭巨大的哺乳動物走到贊福德·畢博布魯克斯的餐桌旁。這是一頭肥厚多肉的牛狀四足動物，有着巨大的的跟睛和小型的角，嘴上帶着幾乎可以理解爲討好的笑容，
“晚上好，”它降低身子，向後重重地坐在自己的後腿上，“我是今天例餐的主菜，我能向你們介紹我身體的各個部位嗎？”它清了清嗓子，“哼哼”了幾聲，扭動着把自己的後四分之一部分身體調整成一種更舒服的姿勢，然後平靜地盯着他們。
它的目光遇上了阿瑟和崔莉恩投來的吃驚而迷惑的目光，以及福特順其自然的聳肩，還有贊福德·畢博布魯克斯表現出來的赤裸裸的飢腸轆轆。
“也許可以來點兒肩膀上的肉，”這頭動物建議說，“用白葡萄酒調味汁來燉。”
“嗯，你的肩膀嗎，”鰣瑟毛目悚然地小聲問道，
‘當然是我的肩膀啦，先生，”這又動物滿足地哼哼着，“我纔不提供別人的東西呢。”
贊福德起來，開始頗爲欣賞地戳戳它的肩膀，感受着它的肉質。
“或者，臀部的肉也非常不錯。”這動物咕噥道，“我一直在鍛鍊這個部位，還吃了很多的糧食，所以，這兒有許多不錯的肉。”它發出了舒眼的哼哼聲，開始咀嚼反有的食物，然後再把這些食物嚥下去。
“或者，也許可以拿我做道砂鍋燉菜。”它又補充了一句。
“你的意思是這頭動物真的心甘情願讓我們吃掉它？”崔莉恩低聲問福特。
‘我……”福特說，目光有些呆滯，“我什麼意思也沒有。”
‘這太可怕了。”阿瑟驚呼，“這是我聽到過的最令人震驚的事。”
“有什麼問題嗎，地球人？”贊福德說，他的注意力已經轉移到了這動物巨大的臀部了，“我吃它，”阿瑟說“這太殘忍了。”
“總比吃一頭不總被吃掉的動物好吧。”贊福德說。
“問題的關鍵不是這個。”阿瑟抗議道。然後他又考慮了一會兒，“好吧，”他說，“也許這確實是關鍵。我不在乎，現在我不會再想這個問題了。我只是……嗯……”
字宙以自己臨終前的痛苦掙扎表達了他的憤怒。