英語經典笑話
笑話是一種藝術方法，用這種方法造成以笑爲藝術手段的文學藝術作品。幽默寓於笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。下面是本站小編整理的英語經典笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!
英語經典笑話篇一：停止打你老婆
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness.
“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.
“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：Have you ceased beating your wife?”
這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師，他慣於儘量去恐嚇對方的證人。
有一個證人有點傾向於在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋。
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辯護律師怒喝道： “你沒有必要就這個問題進行爭論。”
“可是有些問題無法用‘是’或者‘不是’來回答。”這位證人溫和地回敬他。
“不存在這樣的問題!”律師厲聲打斷他。
“噢，”證人說：“那麼請你回答這個問題：你停止打你老婆了嗎?”
英語經典笑話篇二：奇怪的關係
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四個好朋友在醫院裏碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第一個男人說:"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的經理."過了一會兒,護士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最後,護士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我爲四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興,但第四個夥伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝並用頭撞牆.他們問他有什麼不對勁,他回答道:"什麼不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
英語經典笑話篇三：一分鐘一百萬
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
英語經典笑話篇四：看外國人怎麼神吐槽快遞慢(雙語)
Long lines at the post office are par for the course, but we feel a special kind of rage when a delivery takes too long. Perhaps that's why this hilarious complaint to is going viral right now on Reddit. Likening the post office to an ordinary box turtle, user malvoliosf explains how, despite paying $110 for priority shipping, it took eight days for his parcel to travel a distance of 14.8 miles。
在郵局裏要排長長的隊伍，對此人們已經司空見慣，不過對於快遞運輸太慢的狀況，人們卻會由衷的感到憤慨。或許正是因爲這樣，這封寄給美國郵政局的投訴信自從在紅迪網上出現之後，迅速在網上爆紅。這位用戶名爲malvoliosf 的小主將郵局比作一隻平凡的箱龜。他解釋道，儘管花費了110美元辦理了特快空運，他的包裹卻用了8天的時間纔到達了14.8英里之外的地方。
Zoom in to see the original complaint and read the transcription below。
以下讓我們來好好看看這封原始投訴信(附翻譯)：
投訴信 I paid $110 for PRIORITY and it took EIGHT DAYS to get my parcel from downtown San Francisco to the San Francisco airport, a distance of 14.8 miles. A turtle could have done that in four days. Seriously, I looked it up. An ordinary box turtle cruises 0.17 mph; it could make it from the Rincon Center post office to the cargo terminal of SFO in 87 hours. The United States Post Service took 179 hours to make the same trip。
我花了110美元辦理特快空運業務，結果我的包裹花了8天的時間才從舊金山市中心運到舊金山機場，距離只有14.8英里。一隻烏龜只需要4天就能爬完這段距離了。說真的，我查了的。一隻普通的箱龜爬行的速度是每小時0.17英里。從林康中心郵局到舊金山碼頭它87小時就能夠爬完了。而美國郵政局的運輸飛機花了179個小時才走完了同樣距離的行程。
And I had to wait in line at the post office. There is no line at the turtle store. I could have popped in, bought a turtle, strapped the parcel to its shell, and it would have gotten there in less than half the time。
而且我還必須在郵局裏排隊等候。在寵物店裏買烏龜可不用排隊等。也許我本應該換個方法，買只烏龜，把包裹綁在它背上，這樣它只需要一半的時間到達目的地。
Can I get a refund here? A partial refund? A complimentary box of turtle food? Anything?
我有沒有得到退款呢?或者部分退款?一包作爲補償的烏龜飼料?或者任何補償性的東西?(然並卵!)
英語經典笑話篇五：One real man
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴格地，嚴厲地).
Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.
It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.
Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.
一個真正的男子漢
古代有一個國王，他想證明他領土內的男人並非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國裏所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。
然後，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側。所有的男人都站到了左側，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側。
國王說：看到我們國家裏還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，爲什麼在他們當中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側。
陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因爲在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。
