英語笑話6篇
下面是本站小編整理的英語笑話6篇，歡迎大家閱讀！
英語笑話一
A shoplifter |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一隻手錶的時候被當場擒獲。“聽着，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這隻表買下，然後我們就當什麼也沒發生，你看怎樣?”經理表示同意，然後列了一張售貨單。小偷看着單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。”
英語笑話二
Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人搶你的手錶時，你爲什麼不呼救呢?男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發現我的四顆金牙，那就更糟了。
英語笑話三
The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"
典獄長對獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因爲每逢週末的探訪日，大多數囚犯都有家人或朋友來訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。因此在一個探訪日，典獄長把喬治叫到辦公室說：“喬治，我注意到從來沒有人來探望過你。”他滿懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒有任何朋友或家人嗎?”喬治回答：“喔!當然有，典獄長，只不過他們全都在這裏面!”
英語笑話四
my father, who was 14 years old than my mother, had been working on his will. at a family dinner he told us that he had provided well for mother, but the family home would go to us five children if she remarried.我爸比我媽大14歲，最近一直在寫遺囑。一次家宴上，他告訴我們說他爲母親以後的生活作好了安排，但如果她改嫁的話，家裏的房子將歸我們五個孩子所有。"i don't want another s.o.b. toasting his shins around my fireplace," he explained.“我可不願意另外哪個狗孃養的在我的火爐旁烤他的狗腿，”他解釋道。with a sly grin, mother
cracked, "what makes you think i'd marry another s.o.b?"媽媽狡猾地咧了咧嘴，譏誚道：“你怎麼認爲我會再嫁給一個狗孃養的?”
英語笑話五：我妹妹的手指頭
Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?
Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.
Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
老師：凱溫，這次你怎麼又遲到了?
凱溫：對不起，老師，我在家釘釘子，砸壞了兩個手指頭。
老師：怎麼沒有扎繃帶呀?
凱溫：噢，砸的不是我的手指頭，我叫小妹妹扶着釘子的。
英語笑話六：新西蘭的氣候
The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
老師：馬修，新西蘭的氣候怎麼樣?
馬修：先生，那裏的天氣很冷。
老師：錯了。
馬修：可是，先生!從那兒運來的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。
英語笑話六：Good news or Bad news?
An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."
以爲藝術家在一個畫廊辦了個展覽，他問店主是否有人對他參展的畫感興趣。
“我有一個好消息和一個壞消息。”店主回答。
“先告訴我好消息。”畫家要求道。
“好消息是一位紳士詢問了你的作品，還問它是否會在你死後增。我告訴他會的，然後他買下了你所有的15幅畫作。”
“那太棒了!”畫家驚歎。“那麼什麼會是壞消息呢?”
店主想了想之後說：“問那個問題的是你的醫生”。
