結交異性,簡單四步(圖)
You know the type: the average-looking guy who can meet someone new while out buying light bulbs, or the rather plain Jane who comes home from a dental appointment with the name and number of a potential suitor. We set out to discover just what makes these people so adept at meeting others so you can try their best pick-up tips. Here are the four steps to follow when you see someone you’d like to meet and get to know better.
有這樣一類人：長相平平的男生在出去買燈泡的時候認識一位新的女性朋友，或者長相一般的女生看完牙醫後，一個潛在追求者告訴了她他的名字和號碼。只要我們開始瞭解TA們與人交往如魚得水的原因，自己就可以向TA們學最有效的一兩招。當你看到一個心儀對象，想多瞭解對方時，就用以下四招。
Step #1: Smile and wave
第一步：邊笑邊招手
Don’t be afraid to use gestures that say, “I’d like to chat with you” — whether that means a smile, a nod, a wave or just eyebrows raised in expectation. Laura Lewis, 27, from River Falls, WI, recently spent much of her lunch hour in a long line at a bank. But instead of getting annoyed, she got a number from the cute guy standing behind her. “We were checking each other out the whole time we stood there,” she explains, “and just as I finished at the teller, I gave him a big, big smile. He gave me a cute little ‘hi there’ wave, so I busied myself rearranging my wallet until he was free to talk.”
不要害怕使用身體語言去表達“我想跟你聊一聊”，不管是一個微笑，一次點頭，一個招手或者只是眉手上揚來表達你的期望都是可以的。勞拉·路易斯（Laura Lewis）來自西印度羣島的River Falls，最近花了幾個小時的午餐時間在銀行門口排隊。與其他因爲排隊而變得很煩躁的人不同，她得到了排在她後面的一個可愛男生的電話。“站在那裏時，我們一直都在交談着，”她說道，“我在櫃檯取完錢之後，我就對他會心地笑了笑。而他卻回給我一個非常可愛的‘你好’手勢，然後我就忙着整理我的錢包，直到他也弄好有時間聊天。”
How to practice it: Even though it may seem bold, smiling at strangers is the top way to let them know it’s safe to break through. Try it on everyone and anyone: the bored workers at the post office, a harried mother in front of you at the checkout aisle, or even the toddler sitting in her cart. As you get used to being a smiler, you’ll start doing it naturally — including at the people you most want to meet.
怎樣練習：雖然這需要勇氣，但是對陌生人微笑是讓他們知道如果你和我說話我會友好以待的上策。對待每個人都如此：郵局裏感到無聊的員工，在排隊等候付賬的隊伍裏着急的母親，又或者是一個坐在小推車裏小孩。你習慣這樣做之後，當遇到你最想遇到的人時，你自然而然就會對着他們笑了。
Step #2: Be the one who speaks first
第二步：你先開口講話
Anyone can talk back to someone, but real people-meeters know the trick is starting a chat out of the blue. Susan RoAne, author of How to Create Your Own Luck and What Do I Say Next?, says the secret lies in seeing the world around you as full of opportunities to talk versus waiting to be addressed by someone else.
任何人都可以與某人頂嘴，但是真正能與別人打成一片的人知道最好的辦法是在別人不經意的時候與TA談話。作爲《怎樣創造幸運》和《我接下來要說什麼？》的作者，蘇珊·羅安妮（Susan RoAne）表示，奧祕就在於將發生在你身邊一切事都當做可與別人談話的機會，而不是等待別人來與你談話。
How to do it: In order to break the ice with people you want to date, it helps to start with people you’d normally never speak to — say, the married guy in another department at work or a grandma at the bus stop. Since you’re not worried about whether they’ll shoot you down, you can truly be yourself and get used to talking to perfect strangers. “You have to get comfortable doing it, or you’ll hesitate when you see someone in particular who you want to talk to,” says RoAne. “If you have to think about what to say or feel self-conscious, you’ll hesitate and the moment will be gone.”
怎樣做：爲了能與你想要約會的對象打破沉默，你最好先和其他從來沒有講過話的人講話，比如說，在別部門上班的已婚男或公交車站的老奶奶。和他們說話不會讓你覺得會被拒之於千里之外，所以那時候的你是真正的你，慢慢也會習慣和陌生人講話。“你必須讓自己在那樣做的時候感到很舒服，不然，在與別人談話，特別是你想要與對方談話的人時，你就會遲疑了，”羅安妮說道。“如果你必須要想一想才知道說什麼或你感覺自己正被人盯着，講話時你就會停頓，機會也就失去了。”
Step #3: Work your chit-chat charm
第三步：加強你的閒聊技巧
OK, what the heck should you talk about? The experts advise finding something that you two share — that could easily be something in your environment, like the weather or the huge new billboard that went up across the street. Or it could be something in the world around you, like a big verdict that was announced on the news earlier in the day or the fact that the next day is officially the longest day of the year.
那到底要聊些什麼呢？專家建議聊一些你們兩個都瞭解的，那可以是在你生活的地方發生的事，比如天氣或橫在街上的大廣告牌。或者是發生在你身邊的一些事，比如早些時候新聞裏播放的對案件的裁決或第二天將迎來一年中最長的一天。
How to practice it: Work on having an opinion or asking for the other person’s view of things rather than just throwing a remark out there. So if you’re in the cereal aisle, don’t mutter to yourself, “Wow, expensive...” Turn to the object of your affection and say, “Wow, can you believe it? Almost six dollars for this! Is it just this brand or are they all so pricey?” Similarly, if you’re in line for lunch and the folks behind the deli counter are taking their time, don’t just say, “Gee, this line is moving so slowly.” Instead, try to get some playful banter going by saying, “I’ll bet you a little bag of chips that we’re not out of here by 1 p.m.” The idea is to open the door to a chat rather than just tossing out an observation.
怎樣實行：自己要有對事物的看法或者你可以詢問別人對某事的看法，而不是自己說完一句話就完了。如果你走在穀物區，別小聲對自己說：“哇，太貴了吧……”，要注意你本來想要表達的感想，你可以說：“哇，你相信嗎？買這個將近要花六美元！只有這個牌子是這樣的還是它們都很貴？”相同地，如果你在排隊買午飯，而你在等的那個美食櫃檯後面的工作人員磨磨蹭蹭的，不要說：“呀，排了半天都沒動過。”相反，你應該試着讓氣氛變得更有意思，你可以說：“我跟你打賭，我們在下午一點前都不可能移動一下，賭注是一小包薯條。”這樣一來，別人就會參與進來，而不要只是說出你的觀察意見。
Step #4: Then... stop talking!
第四步：然後……停止講話！
Bill Keith, 29, from Hudson, OH, has a knack for charming everyone around him. He says his secret is knowing when to stop yapping and start listening. “People aren’t used to having other people really listen to them, so that’s how I win a lot of people over,” he says. So whether he’s remarking about an old Madonna song that just came on the supermarket muzak (which is how he met his best friend) or asking someone at Starbucks which shaker has cocoa and which has cinnamon and whether really makes a difference, Keith opens the door to a chat and then shuts his mouth. His new acquaintance walks away feeling connected since Keith lavished on some personal attention.z
比爾·凱思（Bill Keith），29歲，來自俄亥俄州的哈德遜河流域，在將別人都吸引到自己身邊來，他有絕招。他說祕密就在於他知道什麼時候該閉嘴，開始傾聽。“人們不習慣叫別人傾聽自己說的話，那是我贏得很多的注意的關鍵，”他說道。所以不管他對商場裏（在那裏他遇到了自己最好的朋友）播放的麥當娜的一首老歌評論時還是在星巴克咖啡廳問別人哪個混合器裏的是可可豆，哪個是肉桂，還問道它們中哪一個味道好一點。凱思爲別人開啓了一扇談話之門，然後自己閉嘴。他新認識的人在和他談完話走開後感到他與凱思的心境是相同的，因爲凱思給了他一些特別的注意。
How to practice it: Next time you start a conversation, make an effort to ask the person you’re chatting with at least three questions before making another observation of your own. That will get you in the groove of letting the other person open up to you... and it shows your level of appreciation for what someone else has to say. And when people feel appreciated, chances are, they’ll want to continue that conversation.
怎樣實行：下次在開始一段對話前，問正在與你談話的人三個問題，然後再發表你的另一個意見。那樣一來，你就處於有利地位，別人就會在你面前開口講話…… 同時也展示出你對別人要說的話的欣賞態度。然而一旦別人感覺自己被欣賞，機會就來了。他們會想要繼續跟你談話。
