如何打開一位害羞同事的心？

Shyness, according to Psychology Today, is "the awkwardness or apprehension some people feel when approaching or being approached by other people."
根據《今日心理學》雜誌的報道，“靦腆心理”這指的是：“與他人接觸、或他人與自己接觸時，所感到的侷促不安或恐懼感。”

Shy people often "desperately want to connect with others, but don't know how or can't tolerate the anxiety that comes with human interaction."
害羞的人們通常“非常想要與他人打交道，但是不知道採用何種方式，或者無法忍受人際交流之間所產生的焦慮。”

John Stoker, president of Dialogue WORKS and author of "Overcoming Fake Talk," says that 40% or more of the population would classify as "shy."
Dialogue WORKS網站的董事長，同時也是《戰勝謊言》一書的作者John Stoker表示，如今有40%或以上的人都能歸類到“害羞”的人羣。
That means there's a good chance you'll have to deal with shy people at the office, networking events, or client meetings – and it may behoove you to know how to approach them.
這就意味着，你很有可能在職場、社交活動、或者客戶會面的時候遇到害羞的人們，而你很有必要了解如何與他們相處。

We asked Stoker for his tips on making a shy person feel at ease, and getting them to open up quickly.
我們諮詢了Stoker，他給我們一些建議，幫助我們如何讓一位害羞的朋友感到放鬆，更快地打開他們的心。

Here are the six steps he shared:
下面是他給我們分享的6個要點：

1. Start with an introduction and an easy question
1. 以自我介紹或一個簡單的問題作爲開場白

"Hi, I'm Jane Doe from _____. Who are you?"
“你好，我叫Jane Doe, 來自……，你呢？”

While this may seem like a blunt introduction, Stoker says that you have to start with a simple, innocuous question like this to build a rapport.
雖然這個問題聽起來有點唐突，不過Stoker表示，你要以這樣簡單的、無害的問題來建立一個融洽的關係。

"Asking questions is the easiest way to deepen or create a relationship with someone," he says.“
提出問題是最簡單的方法，可以加深或建立與他人的聯繫。”他表示。

2. Affirm the meeting
2. 認可雙方的見面

"If you make the first move by introducing yourself and taking an interest in the person, you will help to set them at ease, which will help you to establish a relationship with the person that could pay huge returns," he says.“
如果你首先自我介紹，然後對對方表示感興趣，你就能讓對方感到輕鬆自在，也有助你們建立良好的關係，還有可能獲得豐厚的回報。”

But you'll want to go a step further and tell them how excited you are to be meeting them.
不過你還想更進一步，告訴對方你們之間的見面讓自己多麼的興奮。

Try something like "I'm so glad we had a chance to meet today," "I'm so happy we're finally meeting!" or "It certainly is a pleasure to meet you today."
試試這樣說：“我很高興有機會與你見面。”“真好！我們終於見面了！”或者是“今天能見到你真是一件快樂的事情。”

3. Use their name — often
3. 使用對方的名字，並且常常使用

"People love to hear their name," Stoker says.“
“人們都喜歡聽到自己的名字。”Stoker說道。

So address them by it whenever possible.
所以就儘可能呼叫對方的名字吧。

It tells them that you really listened to their introduction and that you're engaged in the conversation.
這樣能告訴對方，你確實聆聽了他們的自我介紹，並且你有投入到對話當中。

4. Explore their interests
4. 發掘對方的興趣

Stoker suggests asking thoughtful — but non-threatening — questions that will help them to reveal themselves to you. For instance, you can ask about their interests, hobbies, or passion projects.
Stoker建議，在與害羞的人們相處的時候，提出體貼關切的、但又不具威脅的問題，可以放下對方的防備心，更敢於向你展現自己。比如，你可以提問關於興趣愛好或者激情項目的問題。

You can also make observations and ask questions about those. For example, "I noticed the tennis-racket charm on your necklace. Do you play?"
你還可以好好觀察對方，然後提出相關的問題。例如，“我看到你脖子上的網球拍形狀項鍊了，你打網球嗎？”

5. Offer your assistance
5. 主動提供幫助

Shy people don't always feel comfortable marching up to someone and saying, "Hey, I need help with this," so put them at ease by offering your assistance whenever possible.
害羞靦腆的人們不懂得主動親近他人並說：“嘿，能不能幫幫我做這個？”所以你可以在方便的時候多給他們提供幫助，以此增添對方的安全感。

6. Let the conversation flow
6. 讓交談繼續下去

Once you get to this point, you should be able to "jump around and go where the conversation takes you," he says. "You just never know what you might learn."
到了這一步，你還得“多找新話題，聊聊感興趣的事”，他表示，“你永遠都不知道你會從這些對話當中學到的東西是多麼的豐富。”