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新GRE作文複議流程
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GRE寫作滿分範文1
Hospital?statistics?regarding?people?who?go?to?the?emergency?room?after?roller-skating?accidents?indicate?the?need?for?more?protective?equipment.??Within?this?group?of?people,?75?percent?of?those?who?had?accidents?in?streets?or?parking?lots?were?not?wearing?any?protective?clothing?(helmets,?knee?pads,?etc.)?or?any?light-reflecting?material?(clip-on?lights,?glow-in-the-dark?wrist?pads,?etc.).??Clearly,?these?statistics?indicate?that?by?investing?in?high-quality?protective?gear?and?reflective?equipment,?roller?skaters?will?greatly?reduce?their?risk?of?being?severely?injured?in?an?accident.??
The?arguement?is?well?presented?and?supported,?but?not?completely?well?reasoned.??It?is?clear?and?concisely?written.??The?content?is?logically?and?smoothly?presented.??Statistics?cited?are?used?to?develop?support?for?the?recommendation,?that?roller?skaters?who?invest?in?protective?gear?and?reflective?equipment?can?reduce?their?risk?of?severe,?accidental?injuries.??Examples?of?the?types?of?protective?equipment?are?described?for?the?reader.??Unfortunately,?the?author?of?the?argement?fails?to?note?that?merely?by?purchasing?gear?and?reflective?equipment?that?the?skater?will?be?protected.??This?is,?of?course,?falacious?if?the?skater?fails?to?use?the?equipment,?or?uses?it?incorrectly?or?inappropriately.??It?is?also?an?unnecessary?assumption?that?a?skater?need?purchase?high-quality?gear?for?the?same?degree?of? effectiveness?to?be?achieved.??The?argument?could?be?improved?by?taking?these?issues?into?consideration,?and?making?recommendations?for?education?and?safety?awareness?to?skaters.??
Commentary??
The?first?half?of?this?generally?well-written?but?limited?response?merely?describes?the?argument.??The?second?half?of?the?paper?identifies?two?assumptions?of?the?argument:??
--?that?people?who?purchase?protective?gear?will?use?the?gear?--?that?high-quality?gear?is?more?effective?than?other?gear??
These?points?are?sufficient?to?constitute?some?analysis?and?thus?warrant?a?score?of?3.??However,?neither?of?these?analytic?points?is?developed?sufficiently?to?merit?a?score?of?4.?
GRE寫作滿分範文2
Hospital?statistics?regarding?people?who?go?to?the?emergency?room?after?roller-skating?accidents?indicate?the?need?for?more?protective?equipment.??Within?this?group?of?people,?75?percent?of?those?who?had?accidents?in?streets?or?parking?lots?were?not?wearing?any?protective?clothing?(helmets,?knee?pads,?etc.)?or?any?light-reflecting?material?(clip-on?lights,?glow-in-the-dark?wrist?pads,?etc.).??Clearly,?these?statistics?indicate?that?by?investing?in?high-quality?protective?gear?and?reflective?equipment,?roller?skaters?will?greatly?reduce?their?risk?of?being?severely?injured?in?an?accident.??
To?reduce?the?accidents?from?roller?skating?we?should?consider?about?it?causes?and?effects?concurrently?to?find?the?best?solution.??Basically?the?roller-skating?players?are?children,?they?had?less?experiences?to?protect?themselves?from?any?kind?of?dangerous.??Therefore,?it?should?be?a?responsible?of?Adult?to?take?care?them.??Adult?should?recommend?their?child?to?wear?any?protective?clothing,?set?the?rules?and?look?after?them?while?they?are?playing.??
In?the?past?roller-skating?is?limited?in?the?skate?yard?but?when?it?became?popular?people?normally?play?it?on?the?street?way)?Therefore?the?number?of?accidents?from?roller-skating?is?increased.??The?skate?manufacturer?should?have?a?responsibility?in?producing?a?protective?clothing.??They?should?promote?and?sell?them?together?with?skates.??The?government?or?state?should?set?the?regulation?of?playing?skate?on?the?street?way?like?they?did?with?the?bicycle.??
To?prevent?this?kind?of?accident?is?the?best?solution?but?it?needs?a?coorperation?among?us?to?have?a?concious?mind?to?beware?and?realize?its?dangerous.??
Commentary??
This?seriously?flawed?response,?rather?than?critiquing?the?argument,?suggests?ways?for?adults?and?skate?manufacturers?to?ensure?that?children?wear?protective?clothing.??In?essence,?the?writer?is?uncritically?accepting?the?argument.??
The?response?exhibits?serious?and?frequent?problems?in?sentence?structure?and?language?use.??Errors?--?word?choice,?verb?tenses,?subject-verb?agreement,?punctuation?--?are?numerous?and?sometimes?interfere?with?meaning,?e.g.,?"?needs?a?cooperation?among?us?to?have?a?concious?mind?to?beware?and?realize its?dangerous."??
This?essay?earns?a?2?because?it?demonstrates?both?serious?linguistic?weaknesses?and?failure?to?construct?a?critique?based?on?logical?analysis.
GRE寫作滿分範文3
Hospital?statistics?regarding?people?who?go?to?the?emergency?room?after?roller-skating?accidents?indicate?the?need?for?more?protective?equipment.??Within?this?group?of?people,?75?percent?of?those?who?had?accidents?in?streets?or?parking?lots?were?not?wearing?any?protective?clothing?(helmets,?knee?pads,?etc.)?or?any?light-reflecting?material?(clip-on?lights,?glow-in-the-dark?wrist?pads,?etc.).??Clearly,?these?statistics?indicate?that?by?investing?in?high-quality?protective?gear?and?reflective?equipment,?roller?skaters?will?greatly?reduce?their?risk?of?being?severely?injured?in?an?accident.??
the?protective?equipment?do?help?to?reduce?the?risk?of?being?severyly?injuryed?in?an?accident?since?there?are?75%?Of?those?who?had?accidents?in?streets?or?parking?lots?were?not?wearing?any?protectivel?clothing.?such?as?hemlets,?kenn?pads,?etc.?or?any?light-reflecting?materials?such?as?clip-on?lights,?glow-in-the-dark?wrist?pads?ets.?if?they?do?have?protective?eqipment?that?only?a?quarter?accident?may?happen,?also?that?can?greatly?reduce?their?risk?ofbeing?severyly?injuryed?in?an?accident,?that?can?save?some?lives?and?a?lot?of?energy?and?money?for?the?treatment.??the?protective?equipment?do?help?to?reduce?the?risk?of?being?severyly?injuryed?in?an?accident?since?there?are?75%?Of?those?who?had?accidents?in?streets?or?parking?lots?were?not?wearing?any?protectivel?clothing.?such?as?hemlets,?kenn?pads,?etc.?or?any?light-reflecting?materials?such?as?clip-on?lights,?glow-in-the-dark?wrist?pads?ets.?if?they?do?have?protective?eqipment?that?only?a?quarter?accident?may?happen,?also?that?can?greatly?reduce?their?risk?ofbeing?severyly?injuryed?in?an?accident,?that?can?save?some?lives?and?a?lot?of?energy?and?money?for?the?treatment.??the?protective?equipment?do?help?to?reduce?the?risk?of?being?severyly?injuryed?in?an?accident?since?there?are?75%?Of?those?who?had?accidents?in?streets?or?parking?lots?were?not?wearing?any?protectivel?clothing.?such?as?hemlets,?kenn?pads,?etc.?or?any?light-reflecting?materials?such?as?clip-on?lights,?glow-in-the-dark?wrist?pads?ets.?if?they?do?have?protective?eqipment?that?only?a?quarter?accident?may?happen,?also?that?can?greatly?reduce?their?risk?ofbeing?severyly?injuryed?in?an?accident,?that?can?save?some?lives?and?a?lot?of?energy?and?money?for?the?treatment.??
Commentary??
This?fundamentally?deficient?response?uncritically?accepts?the?reasoning?of?the?topic:?"the?protective?equipment?do?help?to?reduce?the?risk?of?being?severyly?injuryed?in?an?accident."??There?is?no?evidence,?though,?that?the?writer?is?able?to?understand?or?analyze?the?argument;?what?follows,?except?for?a?few?additional?words,?merely?copies?the?topic.??This?two-sentence?response?is?repeated?--?verbatim?--?two?more?times.??
Language?and?usage?are?equally?problematic.??The?few?words?that?have?been?added,?in?combination?with?the?words?of?the?topic,?results?in?incoherence.??In?sum,?this?essay?fits?all?of?the?scoring?guide?descriptors?for?a?1.?
