在一起五年了,但另一半卻從未對外宣佈我們的關係

Dear Coleen

親愛的科琳

Five years ago, I started to play sport after work with some colleagues in my office and some others from the same company. I was getting over a difficult divorce and feeling lonely, I needed to get out and about.

五年前，我開始在下班後和一些同事（既有同一辦公室的，也有同一公司的）參加體育活動。那時，我正慢慢從離婚困境中走出來，感到十分孤獨，我需要出去走走。

I got really friendly with one of the ladies who played and she explained she'd lost her husband several years ago. We started walking for fitness, going out for day trips and having a great time laughing and enjoying each other's company.

我與一起運動的一位女性成了朋友，她解釋說，她幾年前失去了自己的丈夫。我們開始步行健身、外出一日遊、開心大笑，享受彼此的陪伴。

Eight months later while out on an all-day walk we stopped and chatted and the first kiss happened, followed by several others. Over time we have become very close. If we are alone, we are like any normal close couple, but if family, friends or work colleagues are about it's like we are just friends.

八個月之後，在一次全天步行的活動中，我們停了下來聊天，隨之發生了第一次接吻，後續又親了好幾次。隨着時間的推移，我們變得親密無間。單獨在一起的時候，我們就像其他情侶一樣，但如果家人、朋友或同事在場的時候，我們就只是朋友。

I tell her how much I love and care for her and that I'd love to be able to tell everyone we're together. I have also spoken to my grown-up children and to her kids (who are even older than mine), and they are all happy for us to be together. I'm sure they have spoken to her to say they're OK with our ?relationship and I get on really well with them all.

我告訴她我很愛她、關心她，我也願意告訴別人我們在一起了。我也告訴了我的成年子女、也告訴了她的孩子（比我家孩子年長），他們都爲我們感到開心。我很確定，他們已經告訴她，他們看好我們的戀情，我也與他們相處融洽。

She hasn't been able to say she loves me after all these years, which hurts so much. I would also love for us to live together too, but when I speak to her about it, she doesn't say no or yes, just that she doesn't know what to do.

這麼多年過去了，她都沒說過她愛我，這令我十分受傷。我也想同居，但當我對她提及此事時，她既沒有說好，也沒有說不，她只是不知該如何應對。

What's your opinion? Am I wasting my time?

您怎樣看待此事？我是在浪費時間嗎？

Coleen says

科琳說道

It sounds like she's terrified, but she's not letting on. If she has been widowed, it could be she's worried about taking that next step in case it all comes crashing down and she is left devastated again. So perhaps she's worried about getting too close.

聽起來她像是怕了，但她並沒有爲此放手。如果她此前是'被寡婦'的，那她可能擔心採取下一步的後果，萬一一切都變得虛無，她會再一次遭受打擊。所以，也許她是在擔心你們太過親近了。

She may even feel guilty over her husband. I've met lots of widows and widowers who can't bring themselves to commit to relationships because it feels like a betrayal, even years after their partner has passed away.

或者，她是因爲對丈夫感到愧疚。我見過很多寡婦和鰥夫，他們無法再次投入到新的感情（即使另一半已去世多年），因爲於他們而言，這無異於背叛。