我與同性的初吻並未明確說明:我是否是同性戀

First kisses can be such a mixed bag. They can be epic and sweet, or super awkward. First kisses can be mind-blowing AF or totally anticlimactic. But one thing is for sure: No matter what kind of first kiss experience you have, it always makes for an interesting story. Enter Katie Heaney, author of Would You Rather? In her book, Heaney explores the topic of coming out as LGBTQ+ in her twenties. From her first kiss to her first relationship with a woman, she walks us through what life looks like as a queer person in NYC. Here's an excerpt...

初吻各式各樣，有的如史詩般甜蜜，有的卻超級尷尬。或讓人興奮到爆炸，或讓人興致驟減。但有一件事是可以肯定的：無論你的初吻如何，總能被說成一段有趣的經歷。讀一讀凱蒂·海妮筆下的Would You Rather吧。在這本書中，海妮暢談她20多歲出櫃的話題。從她與一位女性的初吻開始講述，直至她開始第一段同性戀情，她帶領我們走過紐約市同性戀者的生活。以下是摘錄……

The first girl I ever consciously had a crush on sat across the lecture hall from me in a class that might as well have been called Depressing Facts About Our Political System 101. I was in my second year of graduate school at the University of Minnesota, most of which was an extremely blur. I was twenty-five. I don't recall her name, although I know at some point I figured it out by process of elimination, cross-referencing the class list against Facebook. It feels like it might have been Taylor. If not, she would have made a good one.

我第一次有意識地喜歡上的那個女孩坐在我講堂的對面，那門課好像叫做《令人沮喪的政治制度事實101》（Depressing Facts About Our Political System 101）。當時我是明尼蘇達大學研二的學生，學校的大多數生活都已記不大清了。我當時25歲，現在已不記得她的名字了，儘管我知道我在某個時候通過在臉書上用交叉法排除點名冊找到了她。好像是叫泰勒。如果不是泰勒的話，就是其它好聽的名字。

Taylor came to school that fall with golden skin and a haircut that to me suggested there was at least a possibility she'd brought a picture of Tegan and Sara to the salon-long swooping bang in front, chopped short everywhere else. Dark blond, almost the exact colour of her skin. I know it seems crazy, but she was the first person I'd really looked at and thought, Huh. That girl might be gay.

泰勒在那個秋天來到了學校，白白的皮膚、金色的頭髮，就好像她帶着Tegan和Sara的照片去理髮店，剪了個劉海，再把頭髮剪短。深金色的頭髮，幾乎接近肌膚顏色。我知道這看起來很瘋狂，但她是我第一個真正看上眼，並覺得可能是同性戀的姑娘。

What I knew for sure was that she dressed amazingly. Some days she dressed tomboyishly-ripped jean shorts and Chucks with an oversized button-down shirt-and others she dressed more femme: a sundress and espadrille wedges, a bandanna tied Rosie the Riveter-style around her head. Our class met just once a week, and Taylor seemed to miss at least a third of our sessions. If we got more than five minutes into class and she hadn't shown up, I'd feel let down. Then the weather got colder and she started showing up in a leather jacket, and I became more forgiving.

可以肯定的是，她很會穿。有時候她會穿男生氣的牛仔短褲、Chucks鞋，還有一件超大的鈕釦襯衫。其他時候，她的穿着更加展現女性氣質：一件背心裙、一雙帆布鞋、頭巾紮成鉚釘女工蘿西的模樣。這門課一週一次，泰勒似乎逃了三分之一的課程。如果我們上課超過五分鐘但她還沒來的話，我會特別失落。後來，天氣漸冷，她開始穿着皮夾克過來上課，我開始原諒她。