應該打破的結婚常規

Marriage Rules You Should Break

應該打破的結婚常規

The two of you should do everything together; work out every disagreement (without actually fighting); spend every night in the same bed; and never, ever be bored. Say what?! These and other so-called "rules" for marriage need some serious debunking. And it's not just because rules your mother may have passed on are outdated; some may be downright damaging. In fact, "breaking some marriage 'rules' may be the best thing you can do for your relationship," says Barbara Bartlein, psychotherapist and author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? Here are the rules you can break with confidence.

夫妻應該一起做每一件事；解決每一次紛爭（並沒有真正的吵架）；每晚都睡在同一張牀上；永遠都不能無聊。還能說什麼呢？我們真的要重新解讀這些和其它一些所謂的結婚“規則”了！因爲你母親傳授給你的這些規則不但落伍，而且還可能有損夫妻感情。事實上，“打破一些結婚‘常規’可能是戀情中你能做的最好努力，”《我爲何要嫁給你？》一書的作者兼心理治療師芭芭拉•巴特琳說道。下列這些常規你絕對可以打破！

1. Never go to bed angry.

1. 永遠不要帶着怒氣睡覺。

Where did this one come from? Turns out, it may go as far back as the Bible, which advises not letting the sun go down on your anger. But trying to work through a problem when you're tired and stressed won't get you anywhere, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, psychologist and author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. "Agree to disagree for now, and to revisit the issue when you're rested."

這句話出自何處？原來，這句話可追溯到《聖經》，書上建議太陽落山後就不要生氣了。但如果你試着在很累、壓力很大的時候解決問題，那麼肯定不會有什麼進展的，伊麗莎白•隆巴爾多博士說道，她也是一位心理學家，同時還是《快樂的你：你快樂的終極處方》一書的作者。“暫時同意意見不一致，等休息好了再來解決問題。”

2. Always be 100% honest.

2. 總是百分百誠實。

In marriage, no-holds-barred honesty is not always the best policy. For example, "you don't need to share details of past relationships," says Bartlein. "That invites comparisons, and when you compare, someone comes up short." The bottom line: You need to be polite and caring when it comes to your partner's feelings.

在婚姻中，毫無顧忌的誠實並不總是最好的做法。例如，“過往戀情的細節就不要和對方說了，”巴特琳說道。“細說過往會帶來比較，當你比較的時候，某人就會傷心了。”底線：當觸及另一半的感受時，你需要表現得彬彬有禮、還要呵護她/他。

3. You should never sleep in separate beds.

3. 永遠都不要分牀睡。

Um, snore much? It's a myth that couples always sleep better and more cozily together than apart. One partner may be a toss-and-turner, or one may hit the hay early while the other keeps a reading light burning till the wee hours. So if one of you occasionally decamps to the guest room, don't sweat it. "Getting a good night's sleep is crucial to the health of your mind, body and marriage," says Dr. Lombardo. Just be sure a separate-bed habit isn't about avoiding physical intimacy.

額，老是打呼嚕？夫妻們在一起睡覺總比分開睡更舒服、更踏實，這一點是說不清道不明的。夫妻一方可能老是翻身，又或是一方看書直到凌晨而另一方早已呼呼大睡。所以如果偶爾有人去客房睡覺，那就別擔心了。“晚上睡個好覺對你的身心和婚姻都至關重要，”隆巴爾多博士說道。但一定要確保分牀睡並不是爲了逃避身體親密。

4. Boring is bad.

4. 無聊就糟糕了。

The problem with this so-called rule, says Bartlein, is when couples confuse a calm, predictable union with a bad one. "Better to have a safe, relaxed, 'boring' life together in the everyday. You can always inject excitement with vacations and activities."

巴特琳說這一所謂規則的問題就在於：夫妻有時會將可預測的平靜時光誤以爲是件糟糕的事。“最好每天都一起度過安全、放鬆、‘無聊’的時光。這樣出去度假或參加活動時，你們就總能激動不已啦。”