微軟的大空話 So many words in the Microsoft email and most of them empty

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About 10 days ago, Satya Nadella sent a 1,500 word email to all staff to tell them about Microsoft’s new mission statement. A reader duly forwarded the message to me with a note saying: sometimes your job is too easy.

最近，微軟(Microsoft)首席執行官薩蒂亞•納德拉(Satya Nadella，見上圖)給公司所有員工發了一封1500個單詞的電子郵件，告訴他們該公司的新使命宣言。一位讀者恰巧將該電郵轉發給我，並附言稱：有時候，你的工作太簡單了。

I glanced at the email, and agreed. With material like this, my job is too easy. I sat back and waited for someone else to take the memo to pieces. Only no one did.

我看了一眼這封郵件，就同意了他的看法。有了這樣的材料，我的工作是太容易了。我坐着等待別人來把這封郵件批得體無完膚，只是沒人這麼做。

That could be because no one could get through it. At 1,500 words it is about twice the length of this column, and while I am trying quite hard to encourage you to read on, Mr Nadella made no such effort. His was the usual mishmash of “platforms”, “drivers”, “ecosystems”, “aligns”, “DNAs” and “going forwards” — as well as some more ambitious combinations such as “extend our experience footprint”.

這可能因爲沒人能把這封郵件從頭到尾讀完。1500個單詞大約相當於這篇專欄的兩倍長，而我一直在相當努力地鼓勵你們讀下去，納德拉卻沒有做這樣的努力。他的郵件毫無新意地混雜着“平臺”、“動力”、“生態系統”、“目標一致”、“DNA”、“前進”等詞彙，還充斥着“擴展我們的經驗足跡”之類更具雄心的詞組。

This is what routinely passes for CEO communication in corporate America. But what is special about this example is it came from a big leader of a big company making a big announcement. Microsoft’s third chief executive was trying to convince the world that the company has a plan, and to remind employees what it is, in case they had forgotten. Yet what he came up with was unreadable, largely meaningless hyperbole — and no one turned a hair.

這就是美國公司中首席執行官通信的通常樣子。但這一例子特別之處在於，它是一家大型公司的大領導發出的一項重大宣言。這位微軟的第三任首席執行官是在試圖讓世界相信，該公司有一項計劃，並提醒員工該計劃是什麼，以防他們已經忘記。然而，他寫出的郵件卻枯燥無味，大部分都是毫無意義的誇張之詞，也沒有觸動任何人。

Many readers will have failed to get past the first word. “Team,” the memo begins.

許多讀者讀到第一個詞就會讀不下去——“團隊”，郵件一開頭寫道。

Microsoft employees are not one team, or, if they are, ought not to be. Studies have shown that the ideal number of members of a team is four or five, not 120,000-plus.

微軟的員工不是一個團隊，如果他們確實是一個團隊的話，這就不對。研究表明，一個團隊理想的人數是四五個，而不是12萬多。

“Every great company has an enduring mission.” Mr Nadella goes on. This sounds good, only it is not true.

納德拉接着寫道：“每個偉大的公司都有一項持久的使命。”這聽起來不錯，只不過這並非事實。

I like to think that the Financial Times is a great company; we have endured 127 years without an official mission.

我願意認爲英國《金融時報》是一家偉大的公司；我們已經走過了127年，卻沒有一個正式的使命。

With some clearing of the throat about how proud he is in announcing it, the CEO unveils the new mission of Microsoft: “to empower every person and every organization on the planet to achieve more”.

在略作鋪墊、以表達對宣佈此項使命的自豪感後，這位首席執行官宣佈了微軟的新使命：“賦予這個星球上的每個人、每個組織成就更多的能力”。

The first sign of trouble is the word “planet”. There is a rule that says whenever this word is used as a substitute for “world”, the sentence in which it appears is utter tosh. If the cosmic resonance is gratuitous, the author is writing through his hat.

第一個麻煩的跡象是“星球”這個詞。有一個規律是，每當這個詞代替“世界”(world)出現在一句話中時，這句話就完全是在胡說八道。如果說扯上天文學詞彙並非出於必要，那麼這句話的作者就是在瞎扯。

In the early days of Microsoft, Bill Gates came up with a vastly better mission: a computer on every desk and in every home. There was no windy nonsense about planets, nor any tiresome talk of empowering. Best of all, it was precise. The main problem with the new mission is not its grandiosity but its emptiness. Achieve more what? On this vital question, Mr Nadella is silent.

在微軟的早期，比爾•蓋茨(Bill Gates)提出過一個棒得多的使命：讓每張辦公桌上和每個家庭都有一臺電腦。他的使命中沒有關於行星的無稽之談，也沒有關於賦予人們能力的無聊言辭。最棒的是，蓋茨的使命很具體。新使命的主要問題不在於它的誇張，而在於它的空洞。成就更多什麼？在這個至關重要的問題上，納德拉保持了沉默。

Indeed, the best way to empower people on the planet to achieve more would be to persuade them to love their mobile devices a little less and turn them off occasionally and get on with something real instead.

事實上，要賦予這個星球上的人們成就更多的能力，最好的方法是勸說他們稍微減少對移動設備的沉迷，偶爾關掉它們，迴歸現實生活。

Not content with announcing his new mission, Mr Nadella empowers himself to achieve still more: “Today I want to share more on the overall context and connective tissue between our mission, worldview, strategy and culture.”

不滿足於宣佈自己的新使命，納德拉賦予了自己成就更多的能力：“今天，我還想就整體背景，以及我們的使命、世界觀、戰略和文化之間的關係發表一些看法。”

To have a mission and a vision and worldview is greedy. But to have so many abstract things with lots of connective tissue between them leaves one feeling slightly sick.

擁有一項使命、一個願景和一套世界觀已經是貪婪的了。而在這麼多抽象的東西之間還有許多關係，簡直讓人有點受不了。

In turn he explains each element. Culture, he explains, “is about where everyone is bringing their A game and finding deep meaning in their work”. This is all very well, but spelling it out will do no good. By simply telling your underlings to bring their A games to work, all you do is alienate people who do not like sporting metaphors.

他依次解釋了每一個元素。他解釋說，文化“關乎每個人在工作中願意全力以赴的領域，以及認爲最有意義的領域在哪裏”。這說得很好，但說清楚這一點沒有什麼好處。簡單地告訴你的下屬在工作中全力以赴，只不過會讓那些不喜歡體育隱喻的人產生隔閡。

Equally, everyone wants meaning at work, but hardly any white-collar workers ever find it. Mr Nadella has so overexcited himself that he has decreed mere meaning is no longer enough: it has to be deep, or else it does not count. By thus raising the bar so impossibly high, he has ensured no employee has a hope of clearing it.

每個人都同樣地希望工作有意義，但幾乎沒有哪個白領發現過這種意義。納德拉自己如此興奮過頭，以至於他規定僅僅有意義已經不夠了：還必須有深刻意義，否則的話就不算。通過將標準提升到難以置信的高度，他確保了沒有任何員工有望達到。

After a lot more evangelical posturing, Mr Nadella slips into his final paragraph two words that finally mean something. “Tough choices”, he warns, will soon have to be made — using the very same words that Lord Hall of the BBC chose last week when he said that 1,000 jobs were to go. This is the latest CEO euphemism for firing people, and is one of the most disingenuous. “Tough choices” implies this-hurts-me-more-than-it hurts-you, while at the same time suggesting the CEO has automatically made the right choice — the non-firing option would be even worse.

在擺出更多狂熱的姿態後，納德拉在郵件最後一段提到的兩個單詞終於言之有物了。他警告稱，很快就不得不做出“艱難選擇”——不久前英國廣播公司(BBC)的霍爾勳爵(Lord Hall)宣佈裁減1000個工作崗位時也用了這兩個完全相同的詞。這是首席執行官解僱員工時最新的委婉說法，也是最虛僞的說辭之一。“艱難選擇”意味着，它對我的傷害比對你的傷害更深，同時暗示這位首席執行官已經自動做出了正確選擇——不裁員這個選擇將會導致更糟的結果。

Having dropped this bombshell, Mr Nadella swiftly reverts to upbeat for his closing rallying cry: “I really do believe that we can achieve magical things when we come together as one team and focus.”

在投下了這顆重磅炸彈後，納德拉迅速恢復樂觀，在結尾喊出戰鬥口號：“我完全相信，只要我們凝聚成一個團隊、聚精會神，就能夠成就神奇。”

I, on the other hand, really do believe that magic is best left to Harry Potter and coming together as one team of 120,000 is impossible, especially when planning to take an axe to part of it.

我倒真的認爲，神奇的東西最好留給哈利•波特(Harry Potter)，將12萬人凝聚成一個團隊也是不可能的，尤其是在計劃裁減一部分人員的時候。