經典十萬個冷笑話英語對決
維吾爾民間笑話是維吾爾族人民在長期的改造自然和社會鬥爭過程中總結出的悠久歷史經驗和文化結晶。下面小編整理了十萬個冷笑話英語，希望大家喜歡!
狂人馬丁 (中英)
Once upon a time，this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.
很久以前，一個名叫佛瑞德的人覺得自己足夠兇悍和強壯，所以決定去美國西部蠻荒地區闖蕩。
So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and tough he was，and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up fights and didn’t skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he (Fred) was doing a fine job，but he should remember one thing: “lf you ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town,just save what you can，put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of town as fast as you can.”
佛瑞德來到了西部邊境一個小鎮的酒吧裏做了一名酒吧招待，很快他就證明了他的強悍與兇狠。當酒吧老闆看到他分開酒吧裏打架的人們，並且很少揩油，就很高
興地告訴佛瑞德他做的不錯，但是一定要記住一件事:“如果你聽說有傳言狂人馬丁要來到小鎮，你要把能收好的東西收好，在櫃檯上放一瓶‘赤珠’雞尾酒，然後儘快地離開小鎮。”
Fred was pretty perplexed at this, and sought explanation. He was told that Mad Martin was an old mountain man who lived up in the hills and only came to town once or twice a year. However, Martin was the most dangerous guy they'd ever heard of and few had ever encountered him and lived to tell the tale. Fred listened carefully and then promptly forgot all about it.
佛瑞德對這些話感到非常困惑，努力想知道爲什麼要這樣之後，他被告知這個狂人馬丁是住在山裏的一個巨人，他每年要有一次或兩次到山下的小鎮來。當然，馬
丁是他們所聽到過的最危險的人。幾乎沒有人能見到馬丁後活着回來講有關於馬丁的故事。佛瑞德雖然聽得很認真，但是很快他就忘了這些。
Until，one day a few months later, a cowboy came riding through town at full speed, yelling, "Martin's coming. Head for the hills I” The result was incredible. Everybody in town immediately jumped on their horses and took off for the hills except Fred. He wanted to see this guy because he didn’t believe he could be all that tough. So, Fred just put the bottle of Red Eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and waited.
直到幾個月以後的一天，一個牛仔騎着馬全速地穿過小鎮大聲喊着:“馬丁來了!快到山上去!”這喊聲後果真是不可思議。小鎮裏的每個人迅速地騎上他們的馬逃到山上去了。只剩下了佛瑞德，他想看看這個傢伙到底什麼樣子，因爲他根本不信他有那麼可怕。他在櫃檯上放了一瓶“赤珠”雞尾酒以後，就躲在櫃檯後面等着。
He didn’t wait long. Soon there was a noise in the street. As Fred looked out a hole in the wall，he saw this huge, mean-looking guy ride down the center of the street on the biggest bull buffalo that Fred had ever seen. The guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast, punched it in the head and bellowed, "Wait here till I get back!”
他沒等多久就聽到了街上的聲音。當他從牆上的洞向外看時，他看到一個身材高大，長相醜陋的傢伙騎着一頭佛瑞德從來沒見過的大野牛從街中間走來。那個傢伙騎着野牛在酒吧門前停了下來，從那野牛身上下來時候還打了一下它的頭說:“在這兒等着我回來!”
The fellow turned and walked up the steps. Fred saw that the guy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes. He tied them both to a post and kicked them sound1y, hollering, "You pussycats stay here till I'm done !”The cats fearfully sat down.
那個傢伙轉過身走了進來。佛瑞德看到他還牽着兩隻巨大的山獅，他把它們拴栓到一個柱子上踢了一腳大聲叫道:“你們這些小貓在這兒等我!”它們就乖乖地坐了。
Into the bar stormed the fellow, ripping the doors off the wall as he passed. Wiith two strides he approached the bar, picked up the bottle of Red Eve, bit off the neck, and downed it all in one gulp. Poor Fred，thoroughly frightened by now, let out a little whimper. The guy looked down over the bar and roared，"Who the hell do you think you’re looking at!?”
那個傢伙走進酒吧，踢倒了大門。兩步就走到了櫃檯前並把那瓶酒仰起脖子一口氣喝完了。可憐的佛瑞德現在可害怕了，他不小心出了一點小聲。那個傢伙向下
一看然後大吼:“你到底知不知道你在看着的是誰?!”
Fred managed to say，"N…n…n… nothing, mister. Do you want another bottle of Red Eye? "
佛瑞德嚇得說:“沒……沒什麼事!大人!你想再來一杯嗎?”
To which the fellow replied，"Hell no! I don’t have time! 1 got to get out of here - -Mad Martin’s coming!"
那個傢伙回答道:“當然不要!我沒有時間了!我得離開這裏，你不知道麼?狂人馬丁來了!”
經典的十萬個冷笑話英語一隻勇敢的豬 (中英)
我小時候住在華盛頓，爸爸常常帶着我們到南部的卡羅萊納州去度週末，在那裏我們看到了“真正的生活”是什麼樣子。爸爸會沿路開着車，然後把車停到路邊的農場去和那裏的人聊天。
I lived in DC when I was young，and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina, so that we could see what "real life" was like. He'd just drive along the road for a while, and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there.
爸爸和一個農婦聊天的時候我發現了這隻豬……
Dad was chatting up a farmer's wife once，when I discovered this pig. . .
它是一隻漂亮的豬。但是它只有三條腿。右後腿是木頭做的!我對這個很好奇，於是就問那個農民:
It was a nice pig. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well、I was as curious as could he，so I asked the farmer:
“先生，爲什麼你的豬有一隻木頭腿?”
"Excuse me. sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?”
“是這樣的，孩子。這是一隻勇敢的豬。一天深夜當我和妻子在房裏睡覺的時候，這隻豬跑進來把我們都叫醒。我們這才發現是着火了。我們因此得以生還。”
"Well, boy. What is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night，when that pig came running in and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive.”
“這隻豬的腿是在着火的時候被燒壞的嗎?”
"And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?"
“不是，它完好地跑了出去。事實上，它還衝進火場救了我們的孩子。”
"Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids.”
“那麼這隻豬爲什麼會有隻木頭腿呢?”
“Then why does the pig have a wooden 1eg?”
“我告訴你了，孩子。那是一隻勇敢的豬!一隻英雄豬!是它救了我們全家的命!”
“I told you，boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!”
“是的，先生。但是爲什麼它有隻木頭腿呢?”
"Yes，sir. But why does he have a wooden leg?"
“孩子，像這樣的一隻豬我們是捨不得一次把它全部吃掉的!”
"Boy, a pig like that，you don’t eat all in one sitting!”
關於十萬個冷笑話英語自然分娩 (中英)
A lady didn’t quite make if to hospital for the birth of her child; in fact，the baby was born on the lawn just outside the main entrance. The poor woman was dreadfully embarrassed and was being consoled by one of the nurses，who said; "Don’t worry about it. It could have been worse，when two years ago we had a woman who gave birth in the, elevator.” The woman cried，"That was me !”and burst into tears.
一個孕婦還沒有來得及到醫院就生下了她的孩子。實際上，嬰兒是在醫院大門外的草坪上出生的。這個可憐的女人因此而感到非常的尷尬。一個護士安慰她說:“不要擔心，有的人還不如你呢。兩年前有個女人是在電梯裏生下的孩子。” 那個女人淚如泉涌地哭着說:“那就是我!”
