經典國外幽默故事閱讀
笑話是一種增強快樂的文化，常常以篇幅短小，故事情節簡單，文筆巧妙的形式出現，給人以出乎意料，並且取得笑意的藝術效果的文化。在忙碌的生活，我們也需要偶爾的放鬆一下自己。下面本站小編爲大家帶來國外經典幽默故事三則，希望大家喜歡!
國外經典幽默故事：三個修道士
There were three pious monks. These monks were so pious，in fact，that the head abbot decided one day to reward their devotion by granting them each one day of sin，on the condition that they confess their activities to him at the end of the day.
有三個虔誠的修道士，他們非常的虔誠，以至於修道院院長決定，在他們願意交待一天的所作所爲的條件下，允許他們每個人犯一回戒，以示對他們虔誠的獎勵。
So，the day come，and the three monks went off into the night to indulge in all manner of sin.
所以，當這天夜色來臨的時候三個修道土就趁着夜色下山去犯戒去了。
The first monk sauntered in at 1:00 in the morning, and tried to sneak upstairs to bed. But the head abbot，who was waiting up for the three，stopped him and demanded that he relate his doings.
第一個修道士在凌晨一點的時候悄悄地回來了，他想偷偷的上樓睡覺去，但是正在等待三人的院長叫住了他，問他都幹了什麼。
"No, head abbot，”the first monk said，"it’s too evil for me to admit!”
“沒幹什麼，院長”，第一個修道士說，“對於我來說那太壞了，我不能說出來!”
"'The deal was for you to tell me everything you did，otherwise you will not receive absolution!” said the abbot.
“說好的，你告訴我所有你千的事情，否則不能免你的罪!”院長說。
So the first monk agreed to tell what he did. "I-I-I drank! And I did all manner of drugs! And 1 smoked marijuana, cocaine and. . .”
第一個修道士就同意說出他幹了什麼。“我，我，我喝酒了!我吸了各種各樣的毒品!我吸了大麻、可卡因、還有……”
"Enough!”said the head abbot，enraged. "Those are evil sins, but I promised to forgive you. Go out back，drink some Holy Water, say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”
“夠了!”院長生氣地說，“那些太罪過了，但是我曾許諾原諒你，回去喝一些聖水，然後祈禱，早上就會被原諒的。”
The first monk thankfully went off to follow the abbot’s instructions.
第一個修道士感激地走了，他去按照院長的指示去做了。
The second monk wandered in at 2:00 AM. "What did you do last night?" demanded the head abbot.
第二個修道士在凌晨兩點的時候回來。“你昨晚做了什麼?”院長問。
"I can’t say! It's much too evil!”
“我不能說!那太罪惡了!”
"The agreement was that you must tell me everything you did!”
“我們說好的，你必須告訴我!”
"Okay，”agreed the second monk." I had all kinds of meat. l had port，beef ,chicken，horse,and even a dog...”
“好吧”，第二個修道士說，“我吃了各種各樣的肉。有豬肉、牛肉、雞肉、馬肉、甚至還吃了狗肉……”
Enough!” cried the head abbot. "That is a truly great sin. But I promised to give you absolution. Go out back and drink some Holy Water. “Then say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”
“夠了!”院長大叫道:“那真是太罪過了。但是我曾許諾原諒你。回去喝一些聖水，然後祈禱，早上就會被原諒的。”
The second monk sauntered off to do just that.
第二個修道士按照院長所說的去做了。
And the third and final monk crawled in at 3:00 in the morning.
第三個修道士最終在凌晨三點的時候回來了。
"What ," asked the head abbot, "did you do this evening?"
院長問:“你昨晚幹了什麼?”
"No, head abbot, it's too great a sin to admit. I cannot tell!"
“不，院長，那太罪惡了，我不能說!”
"The agreement, monk! You must tell me!"
“修道士，別忘了我們事先說好的。你必須告訴我!”
The third monk bowed his head and nodded. "All right, head abbot. Last night I…I…"
第三個修道士低下他的頭說:“好吧院長，我說，昨天晚上我，我……”
"Yes?"
“怎麼樣了?”
"I pissed in the Holy Water."
“我在聖水裏撒了尿!”
國外經典幽默故事：狂人馬丁
Once upon a time，this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.
很久以前，一個名叫佛瑞德的人覺得自己足夠兇悍和強壯，所以決定去美國西部蠻荒地區闖蕩。
So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and tough he was，and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up fights and didn’t skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he (Fred) was doing a fine job，but he should remember one thing: “lf you ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town,just save what you can，put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of town as fast as you can.”
佛瑞德來到了西部邊境一個小鎮的酒吧裏做了一名酒吧招待，很快他就證明了他的強悍與兇狠。當酒吧老闆看到他分開酒吧裏打架的人們，並且很少揩油，就很高
興地告訴佛瑞德他做的不錯，但是一定要記住一件事:“如果你聽說有傳言狂人馬丁要來到小鎮，你要把能收好的東西收好，在櫃檯上放一瓶‘赤珠’雞尾酒，然後儘快地離開小鎮。”
Fred was pretty perplexed at this, and sought explanation. He was told that Mad Martin was an old mountain man who lived up in the hills and only came to town once or twice a year. However, Martin was the most dangerous guy they'd ever heard of and few had ever encountered him and lived to tell the tale. Fred listened carefully and then promptly forgot all about it.
佛瑞德對這些話感到非常困惑，努力想知道爲什麼要這樣之後，他被告知這個狂人馬丁是住在山裏的一個巨人，他每年要有一次或兩次到山下的小鎮來。當然，馬
丁是他們所聽到過的最危險的人。幾乎沒有人能見到馬丁後活着回來講有關於馬丁的故事。佛瑞德雖然聽得很認真，但是很快他就忘了這些。
Until，one day a few months later, a cowboy came riding through town at full speed, yelling, "Martin's coming. Head for the hills I” The result was incredible. Everybody in town immediately jumped on their horses and took off for the hills except Fred. He wanted to see this guy because he didn’t believe he could be all that tough. So, Fred just put the bottle of Red Eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and waited.
直到幾個月以後的一天，一個牛仔騎着馬全速地穿過小鎮大聲喊着:“馬丁來了!快到山上去!”這喊聲後果真是不可思議。小鎮裏的每個人迅速地騎上他們的馬逃到山上去了。只剩下了佛瑞德，他想看看這個傢伙到底什麼樣子，因爲他根本不信他有那麼可怕。他在櫃檯上放了一瓶“赤珠”雞尾酒以後，就躲在櫃檯後面等着。
He didn’t wait long. Soon there was a noise in the street. As Fred looked out a hole in the wall，he saw this huge, mean-looking guy ride down the center of the street on the biggest bull buffalo that Fred had ever seen. The guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast, punched it in the head and bellowed, "Wait here till I get back!”
他沒等多久就聽到了街上的聲音。當他從牆上的洞向外看時，他看到一個身材高大，長相醜陋的傢伙騎着一頭佛瑞德從來沒見過的大野牛從街中間走來。那個傢伙騎着野牛在酒吧門前停了下來，從那野牛身上下來時候還打了一下它的頭說:“在這兒等着我回來!”
The fellow turned and walked up the steps. Fred saw that the guy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes. He tied them both to a post and kicked them sound1y, hollering, "You pussycats stay here till I'm done !”The cats fearfully sat down.
那個傢伙轉過身走了進來。佛瑞德看到他還牽着兩隻巨大的山獅，他把它們拴栓到一個柱子上踢了一腳大聲叫道:“你們這些小貓在這兒等我!”它們就乖乖地坐了。
Into the bar stormed the fellow, ripping the doors off the wall as he passed. Wiith two strides he approached the bar, picked up the bottle of Red Eve, bit off the neck, and downed it all in one gulp. Poor Fred，thoroughly frightened by now, let out a little whimper. The guy looked down over the bar and roared，"Who the hell do you think you’re looking at!?”
那個傢伙走進酒吧，踢倒了大門。兩步就走到了櫃檯前並把那瓶酒仰起脖子一口氣喝完了。可憐的佛瑞德現在可害怕了，他不小心出了一點小聲。那個傢伙向下
一看然後大吼:“你到底知不知道你在看着的是誰?!”
Fred managed to say，"N…n…n… nothing, mister. Do you want another bottle of Red Eye? "
佛瑞德嚇得說:“沒……沒什麼事!大人!你想再來一杯嗎?”
To which the fellow replied，"Hell no! I don’t have time! 1 got to get out of here - -Mad Martin’s coming!"
那個傢伙回答道:“當然不要!我沒有時間了!我得離開這裏，你不知道麼?狂人馬丁來了!”
國外經典幽默故事：一隻勇敢的豬
我小時候住在華盛頓，爸爸常常帶着我們到南部的卡羅萊納州去度週末，在那裏我們看到了“真正的生活”是什麼樣子。爸爸會沿路開着車，然後把車停到路邊的農場去和那裏的人聊天。
I lived in DC when I was young，and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina, so that we could see what "real life" was like. He'd just drive along the road for a while, and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there.
爸爸和一個農婦聊天的時候我發現了這隻豬……
Dad was chatting up a farmer's wife once，when I discovered this pig. . .
它是一隻漂亮的豬。但是它只有三條腿。右後腿是木頭做的!我對這個很好奇，於是就問那個農民:
It was a nice pig. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well、I was as curious as could he，so I asked the farmer:
“先生，爲什麼你的豬有一隻木頭腿?”
"Excuse me. sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?”
“是這樣的，孩子。這是一隻勇敢的豬。一天深夜當我和妻子在房裏睡覺的時候，這隻豬跑進來把我們都叫醒。我們這才發現是着火了。我們因此得以生還。”
"Well, boy. What is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night，when that pig came running in and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive.”
“這隻豬的腿是在着火的時候被燒壞的嗎?”
"And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?"
“不是，它完好地跑了出去。事實上，它還衝進火場救了我們的孩子。”
"Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids.”
“那麼這隻豬爲什麼會有隻木頭腿呢?”
“Then why does the pig have a wooden 1eg?”
“我告訴你了，孩子。那是一隻勇敢的豬!一隻英雄豬!是它救了我們全家的命!”
“I told you，boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!”
“是的，先生。但是爲什麼它有隻木頭腿呢?”
"Yes，sir. But why does he have a wooden leg?"
“孩子，像這樣的一隻豬我們是捨不得一次把它全部吃掉的!”
"Boy, a pig like that，you don’t eat all in one sitting!”
