別叫我"親愛的",我們沒那麼熟
Life's daily challenges are tough enough without having to deal with the little annoyances that chip away at our fragile well being. For me, one of them is being addressed as 'sweetie' or 'hon' by complete strangers.
即使不必應付那些讓我們脆弱的幸福感打了折扣的小煩惱，生活中每日面臨的挑戰也已經夠大了。對我來說，有一個小煩惱就是被一個全然不認識的人稱爲“親愛的”或是“甜心”。
I get this regularly — from the coffee-cart vendor or department store salesperson, on the phone or at a doctor's office. Since when do strangers feel they can address others with such familiarity? It rankles that some of the people I get this from are young enough that I could pass for their mother—that is, if I had had kids early. I understand the attempts to be friendly or convey warmth, but would the salesperson or vendor addressing me as I stand before them in a suit do the same to a man next to me dressed similarly? Somehow I doubt it.
我經常被賣咖啡的小販或百貨商店售貨員這麼叫，在電話裏或是在醫生辦公室裏。從什麼時候開始，陌生人感覺他們可以用這樣熟稔的稱呼叫別人的？更讓人可惱的是，有些這麼稱呼我的人還很年輕，我夠當他們的媽媽了──如果我早點生了孩子的話。我明白這些人試圖表現得親切或是表示對你的熱情，但是如此稱呼站在他們面前西裝革履的我的售貨員，會對我旁邊同樣西裝革履的男人也這樣稱呼嗎？我有點懷疑。
Is it a generational thing? Or a cultural disconnect? One colleague says she doesn't mind at all being called 'sweetie' because it makes her feel young. I guess I'm of the Jane Austen school of social conduct that believes 'sir' and 'ma'am,' 'please' and 'pardon me' are proper forms of address in daily discourse. I say 'excuse me, ma'am' or 'sir, could you please …' when I have a question or need assistance. Perhaps I exaggerate, but I do sometimes worry that the increasing erosion of good manners I see every day or read about could spell the end of a civilized society.
是因爲年代不同了嗎？還是文化差異？我的一個同事說，她一點也不在意有人叫她“親愛的”，因爲這讓她感覺自己很年輕。我猜我在社交行爲準則上屬於簡•奧斯汀(Jane Austen)派，認爲“先生”和“女士”，“請”和“對不起”是日常交流中適宜的說法。我會在有問題或需要幫助時說“對不起，女士”或“先生，您能……”。或許我誇大其詞了，不過我有時真的擔心，我每天看到的或是讀到的禮貌舉止的日益衰敗可能預示着文明社會的終結。
A New York Times article last year detailed how being called 'sweetie' or 'dear' chips away at the dignity of older people. 'Professionals call it elderspeak, the sweetly belittling form of address that has always rankled older people,' the article says. The piece refers to studies showing 'that the insults can have health consequences, especially if people mutely accept the attitudes behind them.'
去年《紐約時報》上的一篇文章詳細講述了對年長的人來說，被稱爲“親愛的”有損他們的尊嚴。文章中說，這種甜蜜但帶有貶低色彩的稱呼形式總會讓年長的人感到惱怒。文章引述了研究結果，說這顯示出這種侮辱性稱呼能帶來健康問題，特別是如果人們默默地接受了稱呼背後的態度時。
On several occasions, I speak up, asking others to refrain from addressing me with undue familiarity. Just tell me yes or no or provide help or point me to the right direction — no niceties or terms of endearment necessary. Or please don't call me sweetie and just hand me the darn doughnut.
有幾個場合，我會大聲說出來，請別人不要用過於熟稔的稱呼來叫我。乾脆點，告訴我“是”還是“否”，提供幫助或給我指路，不需要親切的稱呼或是表示喜愛的詞彙。請別稱呼我“親愛的”，乾脆一點把那該死的甜甜圈拿給我。
