想要孩子樂觀堅強,那就不要再做這些事

Want to raise mentally strong kids? Stop doing these things

想要孩子樂觀堅強，那就不要再做這些事

1. Minimizing your child's feelings

1. 忽略孩子的感受

When you say things like, "Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal," you're implying that your child's feelings are wrong - or that they don't matter. Kids need to know that it's okay to feel a wide variety of emotions. And the key to living their best life is about managing emotions (not suppressing them). A healthier message is to say, "I know you feel scared right now, but I also know you're strong enough to face your fears."

“別擔心，這沒什麼大不了，”說這些話時，你的潛臺詞是孩子的感受是錯的——或者它們的感受無關緊要。孩子應該知道，他們可以有各種情緒。而一生都活得精彩的關鍵在於管理情緒（而非抑制情緒）。更爲健康的表達方式爲：“我知道你現在很害怕，但我也知道你很堅強，一定可以面對恐懼。”

2. Giving in to misbehavior

2. 妥協於他們的不當行爲

It's tempting to give in when your child is whining or throwing a tantrum - especially on the days when you just don't have the time or energy to address the issue. But each time you give them what they want, you teach your child that their misbehavior is an effective way to get their needs met. If you want to raise mentally strong kids, stick to your limits. Teach them that they can cope with their discomfort and learn healthier ways to manage their emotions.

小孩發牢騷或發脾氣時，你會很容易妥協——尤其是當你沒有時間或精力解決他/她的問題時。但每一次妥協後給予他/她所想要的東西，你就是在告訴他/她：只要無理取鬧，他/她的需求就可以得到滿足。如果你希望自己的孩子樂觀堅強，一定要堅守自己的底線。你要告訴他/她：我知道你不開心，但你可以學會用更健康的方式管理自己的情緒。

3. Overindulging your child

3. 過度溺愛孩子

You might think it's cute to spend exorbitant amounts of money on your child. Or maybe it makes you feel good that you can give your child all of the things you never had growing up. But there's a lot of research that shows just how unhealthy overindulgence is for kids. If they always get everything they want, they miss out on learning valuable life skills - like self-discipline.

也許你覺得爲孩子花錢沒什麼大不了，或許你覺得爲孩子提供你未曾享受過的待遇會讓你擁有一種優越感。但大量研究表明，過度縱容孩子會帶來不良後果。如果孩子總是要什麼有什麼，他們就會錯失一些寶貴的生活技巧——比如自律。

They'll also be more likely to grow up to be materialistic, which is associated with decreased levels of happiness in adulthood. Set limits on what you give your child. Let them know what it's like to experience disappointment, and teach them how to work for things they want to have.

長大後，被過度溺愛的孩子也可能成爲唯物主義者，導致成年後幸福感下降。在物質提供方面，一定要設定界限。讓他們體驗失望並教會他們爲自己想要的東西而奮鬥。

4. Expecting perfection

4. 過高期望

While high expectations are good for kids, setting the bar too high is likely to backfire. Whether you expect too much from your child on the sports field, or your academic expectations are unreasonable, kids who feel they can't succeed are likely to stop trying. They're also more likely to struggle with self-esteem issues because they'll feel as though they aren't good enough.

雖然高期待有利於孩子發展，但過高的期望卻可能適得其反。無論你是期望他能在運動場上有優異的表現還是希望他學業有成，那些感覺自己無法做到的孩子往往會停止嘗試。他們也更可能存在自尊心問題，因爲他們總覺得自己不夠好。