不生小孩會被同事鄙視?大綱
Hi, Carolyn: I was making small talk at work when a woman asked if I had children. I said no. She expressed pity that I hadn't experienced life's greatest joy and said she couldn't understand why women these days prioritize careers over family. She added that parenthood is a prerequisite for being a good manager since women without children lack the maturity necessary to lead teams.
卡羅琳，你好！當時，我們一羣同事正在閒聊，一位女士問了我一個問題，"你有孩子嗎？"我回答她，沒有。她表示，太遺憾了，那將是你一生中最大的快樂。她說她無法理解爲什麼現代女性將工作看得比家庭更重。她補充道，爲人父母是成爲一名優秀管理者的先決條件，因爲沒生小孩的女性往往缺乏領導團隊所需的成熟思想。
Carolyn, it wasn't my choice not to have kids, and this is a painful subject for me.
卡羅琳，不生孩子並非我之所願，對我而言，這一話題非常痛苦。
In my 20s, I would have brushed this off and changed the subject, but now I am in my 40s struggling to save for retirement on a salary that falls far below that of my married-with-children peers in the same profession. I have been passed over even though I have always had outstanding performance evaluations. I am always expected to work overtime and take a hit for the team because I don't have kids, yet I am also resented and belittled for it.
倘若我20多歲，我肯定對這個話題不理不睬，甚至會換個話題，但現在我40多歲了，正在爲退休而努力攢錢。現實是：我的薪資遠低於同一行業中的拖家帶口人士。儘管我的業績表現總是很突出，但升職時卻是一次次的被排除在外。因爲我沒有小孩，大家都期望我加班、爲團隊背鍋，但也正因爲我沒有小孩，大家都鄙視我、貶低我。
So, this time I calmly asked her, "Do you think having a genetic disease makes a person immature? Do you think watching an 8-year-old relative die of said genetic disease makes a person immature? There are a lot of reasons people don't have kids, and a lot of paths to maturity."
所以，這一次，我十分平靜地問她，"你認爲患遺傳病會讓人不成熟嗎？你認爲親眼看到一個8歲的親戚因爲這一遺傳病離世會讓人不成熟嗎？人們不生小孩的原因有很多，通往成熟的道路也有很多。"
That did not go over well. Now my presence clears the room. What should I have said? Should I just keep ignoring such comments and changing the subject?
但效果並不是很好。現在只要我一出現，大家就會作鳥散狀。我該說什麼？我是不是應該繼續對這樣的評語聽而不聞、繼續換話題？
- Childless in the Workplace
-工作場所無子女的情況
Childless in the Workplace: You told her what she deserved to hear in response to her cruel, grossly unfounded prejudice. I'm glad you said what you did.
工作場所無子女的情況：你只不過是在迴應她殘酷而又毫無根據的偏見罷了，這是她應受的。我很高興你講出了這些話。
It bears saying anyway: You said what you deemed appropriate at the time, in response to an attack on your core values and competence. She's fortunate to have left this encounter. (Not that I condone that, of course.) So while it's normal to replay and second-guess what you said, especially given the reception you're getting at work, I hope you'll embrace your answer as an act of self-care.
無論如何，你這麼說都是對的：當時當境，你用你認爲合適的言辭來回應別人對你核心價值觀和能力的攻擊。她沒有繼續接茬是對的。（當然，這並不表示我寬恕了她。）所以，雖然回想當時的言辭十分正常，尤其是在工作場合中說出此番言論，但我還是希望你接受當時所作的言論，這是自愛的一種表現。
