如何成功談一段不分手的戀愛?
1. Don't get into a relationship with an agenda.
1. 不要只是爲了戀愛（議程）而戀愛。
People often stay in a relationship because of an agenda. An agenda is a belief that something needs to be a certain way for us to be "OK". For example: "I must be married by 30 yrs of age." When we have an agenda, it will often get in the way of the more beneficial decisions we would normally make.
很多人只是爲了戀愛（議程）而戀愛。此處的議程是指：按照特定的方式去做某事，以確保自己是正常人。比如，"30歲之前我一定要結婚。"議程一旦制定，可能會阻礙我們做更有益的決定。
2. Open your eyes and be willing to see red flags.
2. 睜大你的雙眼，看看這些危險信號吧。
I cannot tell you the number of people who have told me that they never saw the unhealthy qualities in the marriage or relationship until way down the line. We are talking sometimes years. They often report that the behavior "just showed up one day, out of the blue." The truth is that the behavior was there all the time but was ignored. "Love is blind" is not a helpful mantra when it conceals warning signs.
很多人都跟我說過，他們直到婚姻的盡頭纔看到婚姻或戀情中的不良行爲。有時候是好幾年。他們說這種行爲"只是突然在某一天表現出來。"事實是，這一行爲一直都在，只不過之前被忽略了。在隱藏警告跡象方面，"愛情是盲目的"這句口頭禪並不實用。
3. Read up on some things you can expect in relationships.
3. 閱讀一些書籍：戀愛時你會期待什麼。
Learn the concepts and skills that will help you navigate through a relationship - and life in general. For example: How do you have difficult conversations in a relationship? How do you determine healthy and unhealthy behaviors? Without knowledge of these skills and concepts it can feel like navigating in the dark, not knowing what you are bumping into.
學習一些戀愛概念和技巧--以及生活的概念和技巧。比如：戀愛時如何進行重大問題對話？如何確定好的行爲和不良行爲？如果不知道這些技巧和概念，那你的這段戀情就會在黑暗中航行，不知道會碰撞出什麼。
4. Give him time to show his true qualities.
4. 給他點兒時間，展現他真正的品質。
Watch out for consistent behaviors for at least 6 months. It is very difficult to hide your true qualities for more than 6 months without being a sociopath - and for sure, no longer than one year. And you would have to be a really skilled sociopath on top of that for those unhealthy qualities to remain "hidden".
至少要花6個月的時間，才能看出一個人的品行是否一致。如果不是反社會人士，那麼6個月的時間就足以看清他/她的真正品質了--當然，不會超過一年。而且，你必須是一位非常有經驗的反社會人士才能隱藏這些不良品質。
Watch for consistent behavior in the relationship. This holds true for negative as well as positive behaviors. There may be an underlying reason for a person to temporarily exhibit negative qualities. We all make mistakes but there is a difference between occasional "mistakes" and an overall theme of repeated negative behavior. Conversely, occasional "good" behavior does not negate an overall theme of unhealthy behavior.
留心他/她在戀情中的行爲是否保持一致。既留意他的消極行爲，也留意他的積極行爲。人們暫時表現出消極行爲可能是由某個潛在原因導致的。我們都會犯錯，但偶爾"犯錯"和總是重複消極行爲是有差異的。相反，偶爾展現"好的"行爲並不能表明他沒有不良嗜好。
