諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第12章Part 5

Baby Suggs leaned back into the peppers and the squash vines with her hoe. Carefully, with theblade at just the right angle, she cut through a stalk of insistent rue. Its flowers she stuck through asplit in her hat; the rest she tossed aside. The quiet clok clok clok of wood splitting reminded herthat Stamp was doing the chore he promised to the night before. She sighed at her work and, amoment later, straightened up to sniff the disapproval once again. Resting on the handle of the hoe,she concentrated. She was accustomed to the knowledge that nobody prayed for her — but thisfree floating repulsion was new. It wasn't whitefolks — that much she could tell — so it must becolored ones. And then she knew. Her friends and neighbors were angry at her because she hadoverstepped, given too much, offended them by excess.
Baby closed her eyes. Perhaps they were right. Suddenly, behind the disapproving odor, way wayback behind it, she smelled another thing. Dark and coming. Something she couldn't get at because the other odor hid it.
She squeezed her eyes tight to see what it was but all she could make out was high-topped shoesshe didn't like the look of. Thwarted yet wondering, she chopped away with the hoe. What could itbe? This dark and coming thing. What was left to hurt her now? News of Halle's death? No. Shehad been prepared for that better than she had for his life. The last of her children, whom shebarely glanced at when he was born because it wasn't worth the trouble to try to learn features youwould never see change into adulthood anyway. Seven times she had done that: held a little foot;examined the fat fingertips with her own — fingers she never saw become the male or femalehands a mother would recognize anywhere. She didn't know to this day what their permanent teethlooked like; or how they held their heads when they walked. Did Patty lose her lisp? What colordid Famous' skin finally take? Was that a cleft in Johnny's chin or just a dimple that woulddisappear soon's his jawbone changed? Four girls, and the last time she sawthem there was no hairunder their arms. Does Ardelia still love the burned bottom of bread? All seven were gone or dead. What would be the point of looking too hard at that youngest one? But for some reason they let herkeep him. He was with her — everywhere.
When she hurt her hip in Carolina she was a real bargain (costing less than Halle, who was tenthen) for Mr. Garner, who took them both to Kentucky to a farm he called Sweet Home. Becauseof the hip she jerked like a three-legged dog when she walked. But at Sweet Home there wasn't arice field or tobacco patch in sight, and nobody, but nobody, knocked her down. Not once. LillianGarner called her Jenny for some reason but she never pushed, hit or called her mean names. Evenwhen she slipped in cow dung and broke every egg in her apron, nobody said youblackbitchwhat'sthematterwith-you and nobody knocked her down.

貝比·薩格斯又彎腰爲胡椒秧和黃瓜藤鋤草。鋤頭的角度剛好合適，她小心地剷斷一根頑固的芸香莖。芸香的花被她揪下來插進帽子的裂縫中；剩下的丟在一邊。劈木頭單調的哐哐哐的聲音提醒了她，斯坦普正在幹他昨天晚上答應的差事。她衝手裏的活計嘆了口氣，過了一會兒，又直起腰，再一次去嗅那非難氣味。她拄着鋤頭把，專心致志地嗅着。她已經習慣於沒有人爲她祈禱了——但這肆意飄蕩的嫌惡卻是新的。那不是白人——這一點她還能肯定——所以只能是黑人了。於是，她全明白了。是她的朋友和鄰居在生她的氣，因爲她走得太遠，施與得太多，由於不知節制而惹惱了他們。
貝比閉上眼睛。也許他們是對的。突然，就在非難的氣味後面，後面很遠很遠的地方，她嗅到了另一種東西。黑壓壓地趕來。是一種她拿不準是什麼的東西，因爲非難的氣味蓋過了它。
她使勁擠着眼睛去看它到底是什麼，但她能看清楚的只是一雙樣式不討她喜歡的高靿鞋。既沮喪又惶惑，她用鋤頭繼續鋤着地。會是什麼呢？這個黑壓壓趕來的東西。現在還剩什麼能來傷害她呢？黑爾的死訊？不。她已經爲那個作好了準備，比爲他活着作的準備還要充分。那是她最後一個孩子，生下時她幾乎沒瞟上一眼，因爲犯不上費心思去認清他的模樣，你反正永遠也不可能看着他長大成人。她已經幹了七回了：抓起一隻小腳；用自己的指尖檢查那些胖乎乎的指尖——那些手指，她從沒見過它們長成母親在哪兒都能認出的男人或女人的手。她至今不知道他們換過的牙是什麼樣子；他們走路時頭怎麼放。帕蒂的大舌頭好了麼？菲莫斯的皮膚最終是什麼顏色的？約翰尼的下巴上到底是一個裂縫呢，還是僅僅一個酒窩而已，等下顎骨一長開就會消失？四個女孩，她最後看到她們的時候她們腋下都還沒長毛。阿黛麗亞還愛吃煳麪包底兒嗎？整整七個，都走了，或是死了。如此看重那個最小的又有什麼意義呢？可是，不知爲了什麼緣故，他們允許她留下了他。他一直跟着她——到每一個地方。
她在卡羅來納時屁股受過傷，這對於加納先生來說可真是筆劃得來的交易（價錢比當時只有十歲的黑爾還低），他把他們倆一起帶到肯塔基，到了一個他稱做"甜蜜之家"的農莊上。因爲屁股，她走起路來像只三條腿的狗似的一瘸一拐。可是在"甜蜜之家"，看不見一塊稻田或者菸葉地，而且更沒有人把打翻在地。一次也沒有。不知爲什麼，麗蓮·加納叫她珍妮，不過她從來沒有推搡過她、打過她或者罵過她。甚至當她被牛糞滑倒，摔碎了圍裙裏所有的雞蛋的時候，也沒有人說"你個黑母狗，你犯什麼病了"，更沒有人把她打翻在地。