職場潛規則 工作中你該如何道歉大綱

Dear Annie:I have a weird problem that I hope you can help me with. A couple of weeks ago, my team was in a big meeting with another team, our boss, his boss, and a very senior person both managers report to. At one point, my boss was presenting the results of a research project I had worked on, and he got a couple of key figures wrong. The numbers came from an earlier version of the report that we had since revised, so I spoke up and corrected him.

親愛的安妮：我有一個奇怪的問題，希望您能幫助我。幾周前，我的團隊與另外一隻團隊召開了一次大規模會議，我們的上司，他的頂頭上司，以及一位公司高層，都出席了會議。我的上司在介紹由我負責的一個研究項目的結果時，幾個關鍵數據出現了錯誤。這些數據來自報告較早的版本，我們早已對其進行了修改，於是我站起來糾正了這些錯誤。

I really like and respect my boss, and the last thing I intended was to embarrass him or make him look bad. I just spoke without thinking. But now he’s freezing me out and won’t even look at me. I would like to crawl under my desk and stay there, possibly forever. Is it too late to apologize? What would you say to him if you were me? —Foot Stuck in Mouth

我真的很喜歡和尊重我的上司，我從沒想過要令他尷尬或讓他出醜。我只是下意識說了那些話。但現在，他開始排擠我，甚至都不看我一眼。我真希望爬到桌子底下，永遠也別出來。現在道歉是否爲時已晚？如果您是我，您會對他說些什麼？——F.S.M.

Dear F.S.M.: Eek. It’s certainly not too late to say you’re sorry. In fact, at this point, says Lauren M. Bloom, author of Art of the Apology: How, When, and Why to Give and Accept Apologies, “Since your boss is obviously still upset with you, not apologizing is not an option.”

親愛的F.S.M.：現在道歉當然不算晚。實際上，《道歉的藝術》（Art of the Apology: How, When, and Why to Give and Accept Apologies）一書的作者勞倫•M•布魯姆認爲：“很明顯，你的老闆仍在生你的氣，所以，應該道歉，這沒得選。”

But be careful how you go about it. “Apologizing at the office is not the same as in real life,” Bloom says. Depending on the circumstances, “there’s office politics to think about and, in certain situations, admitting fault can get you fired.” An attorney by training, she adds that “as a rule, in any instance where you’ve made a mistake and there is even the possibility of a lawsuit over it, speak with someone in the legal department before you admit any wrongdoing.”

但在道歉的時候也要謹慎。布魯姆說道：“在辦公室道歉，與在現實生活中道歉有所區別。在辦公室要考慮辦公室政治，在某些情況下，承認錯誤反而會令你丟掉飯碗。”作爲一名接受過培訓的律師，她補充道：“一般而言，如果你犯的錯誤可能引發法律訴訟，在承認錯誤之前，應該先諮詢一下法務部門的同事。”

While researching her book, Bloom came across people who made matters worse by giving “I’m sorry” gifts inappropriate for the workplace, like one well-meaning boss who gave his assistant a bouquet of flowers. The admin “saw that as both sexist and too personal a gesture,” Bloom observes. “The wrong kind of apology can be more offensive than the original mistake.”

爲她的書做調查時，布魯姆發現，許多人犯了錯誤後，贈送並不適合工作場所的“道歉”禮物，例如一位好心的上司送給助理一束鮮花，但行政部門認爲“這是性別歧視，而且是太私人化的情感表示。這種錯誤的道歉方式可能比原先的錯誤更令人反感。”

So, what should you say to your frosty boss? By Bloom’s lights, every effective mea culpa has six essential features. The first one is sincerity, which your question suggests you’ve got covered. Most people can spot a phony apology from a mile away, so “you have to genuinely regret what you did, and say it unequivocally,” says Bloom. “Start with ‘I am sorry.’”

那麼，你該對冷漠的上司說些什麼？在布魯姆看來，每一次有效的道歉都有六個基本特點。首先是真誠，從你的提問來看，這一點你已經具備。大多數人從一英里外就能看出虛情假意的道歉，所以“你必須對自己做過的事情真心感到後悔，並且要毫不含糊地說出來，”布魯姆說道，“從‘對不起’開始。”

Second, briefly explain precisely what you believe you did wrong, in this case correcting the boss in the presence of higher-ups. Acknowledge that you embarrassed him by speaking up and you feel rotten about it and, in the next breath, move on to Step Three: Suggest a solution for the next time this situation comes along (if it ever does), and propose a way to make amends.

其次，簡明扼要地解釋一下你認爲自己做錯了什麼事情，你的錯誤就是在高層在場的情況下糾正了上司的錯誤。承認你直言相告的舉動令他很難堪，而這件事也讓你非常難受，同時轉移到第三步：建議下一次面臨這種情況（如果還會再出現的話）時的解決方案，並提出彌補過失的方式。

“It probably would have been better to discreetly hand him a note under the table so he could correct his own mistake,” Bloom says. “You could mention that as a solution for next time.”

布魯姆說道：“如果在桌子下面小心翼翼地遞給他一張紙條，讓他能夠糾正自己的錯誤，肯定會更好。你可以把它作爲下一次面臨同樣情況時的解決方案。”

Making amends may be tougher and require that you swallow a few bites of humble pie. You might, for example, ask your boss whether it would help if you met with the senior manager who was at the meeting to explain the mix-up with the numbers, so “your boss doesn’t seem so clueless to his boss,” says Bloom. “Be open to any other idea he might have for repairing the damage.”

彌補過失可能更加困難，因爲這需要你低聲下氣，忍辱含垢。例如，你可以詢問上司，如果你去見一下當時出席會議的高層，向他解釋一下數字上出現混亂的原因，是否會有幫助。這樣一來，“你的上司在他的上司眼中便不會顯得如此愚蠢。如果他提出其他彌補損失的主意，也要甘心接受，”布魯姆說道。

The fourth step: If your boss wants to vent, just listen. No matter what he says or how he says it, don’t interrupt or try to defend your actions. Giving the other party a chance to tell you how badly you screwed up, and how angry (or hurt, or disappointed) they are “is often the hardest part” of any apology, “but the person you’ve wronged won’t feel they’ve been heard unless you do it,” Bloom says.

第四步：如果你的上司想要發泄，只要聽着即可。不論他說什麼或用什麼方式說，不要打斷他或試圖爲自己的行爲辯護。給對方機會告訴你，你造成的麻煩有多嚴重，以及他有多生氣（傷心或失望），通常是道歉中“最困難的部分，但如果不這麼做，對方就不會感覺到自己的情緒有人傾聽。”

Then, take a deep breath and, since this is someone who could probably fire or demote you if he wanted to, move on to Step Five: “Thank him for giving you another chance.”

然後，做一下深呼吸，因爲你面對的是一位只要他願意，就可以你解僱或降職的上司，所以要繼續第五個步驟：“感謝您又給了我一次機會。”

The sixth and last step is pretty simple: Don’t ever do the same thing again. Says Bloom, “The people who end up with pink slips are those who don’t learn from their mistakes.”

第六個步驟非常簡單：永遠不要做同樣的事情。布魯姆說道：“最後被解僱的那些人，都是因爲沒有從錯誤中汲取教訓。”

You don’t say whether you normally have a chummy rapport with your boss but if so, a word of caution. “In lots of organizations, the hierarchy is invisible day to day, so everyone seems to be more or less equal,” says Bloom. “But even in a very collegial culture, where coworkers are friendly and casual, never apologize too casually to someone who outranks you. As soon as you’re in the wrong, the hierarchy snaps back into place. Respect it.”

你沒有說正常情況下，與上司的關係是否密切，但如果是這樣的話，還要再提醒你一句。布魯姆說道：“在許多公司中，等級逐漸變成了無形的存在，所有人似乎都或多或少實現了平等。但即便在學院氣息濃厚的文化中，儘管同事之間友好隨和，但在向地位高於你的人道歉時，也不能太過隨意。只要你犯了錯，等級便會立刻顯露出其本來的面目。你必須尊重等級的存在。”

Likewise, she adds, “Never make a joke as part of an apology. Humor is great for relieving tension, but it makes it hard for people to tell how sincere you really are.”

同樣，她說道：“道歉的時候不要開玩笑。幽默對於舒緩緊張很有幫助，但這會讓對方很難判斷你的歉意是否真誠。”

And, hey, try not to beat yourself up. Nobody’s perfect, and “everybody has an apology story, if they’re willing to tell it,” Bloom notes—including the occasional CEO. Once you’ve expressed your regret, put it behind you and move on. With any luck, your boss will, too. Eventually.

當然，不要因此自責不已。布魯姆說道，人無完人，“每個人都曾經歷過道歉，只是沒有人願意說出來而已，”CEO有時也難免。只要你向對方表達了自己的後悔，便應該把此事拋在腦後，繼續前行。運氣好的話，你的上司也會這麼做的。事情終會過去。

Talkback:Have you ever had to apologize to a boss or coworker, or vice versa? How did it turn out? Leave a comment below.

反饋：你是否曾不得不向上司或同事道歉，或曾接受過別人的道歉？最後結果如何？歡迎評論。