婚禮前我真希望自己知道這些事

1. No one cares how skinny you are except you.

1. 除了自己，沒有人在乎你瘦不瘦。

Exactly zero people at your wedding are looking at how flat your stomach is or the way the back of your arms jiggle when you hold your arm up in front of a mirror and try to jiggle it. You're going to look into the eyes of the love of your life and pledge your undying devotion to that person until the end of time. And then you'll drink. Guests, likewise, are too busy basking in your love and your bomb ass dress and thinking about their next drink to notice if you did 10 extra planks in the past six weeks.

當你站在鏡前擡高手臂，並試圖搖掉贅肉時，你要知道婚禮當天，根本不會有人注意你的小腹是否平坦或你的胳膊是否有贅肉搖晃。你會看向一生摯愛的雙眼，向他承諾你對他的愛至死不渝。然後你們就開始喝酒了。同樣的，客人會專注於你們的愛情、你美美的婚紗，想着他們的下一杯酒，根本就注意不到你在過去的六週多做了10個平板撐。

2. Your facial?

2. 美容？

Literally no one is noticing whether or not you got one and whether or not you maintained it before the wedding. Before I got married I got a facial. The woman doing the facial stuck electrodes onto my face, which allegedly de-puffed it. Even I didn't notice whether or not my face was less puffy. "Don't drink or eat salty foods or you'll puff back up," she warned me. I don't know what she thought week-before wedding prep was like, because I felt like I was on a pirate ship with nothing to do but ho ho ho with a bottle of rum (replace rum with "tequila" and "Champagne"). So again, get a facial if you're feeling fancy, or don't get a facial if you're feeling fancy. No one is going to notice! Including you.

說實話，沒有人會注意你是否在婚禮前做了美容。結婚前，我就做了次美容。幫我美容的美容師在我的臉上放了電極，據說是用來放氣的。甚至連我自己都看不出來我的臉是不是沒那麼浮腫了。"不要喝酒，也不要吃太鹹的東西，不然你的臉會繼續變腫的，"她警告我。我覺得她根本就不清楚婚禮前一週的準備是怎樣的，因爲我感覺自己就像在海盜船上一樣，除了拿着朗姆酒（將朗姆酒換成"龍舌蘭"或"香檳"）喊吼吼吼外，我無事可做。如果你喜歡，那就做個美容好了；如果不喜歡，那就不做好了。反正沒人會注意到的！甚至連你自己都看不出來。

3. DON'T CHECK THE WEATHER.

3. 不要查看天氣。

Some of my darkest moments as a human female came while I was checking the weather the five days before my wedding. I was crying and looking at Pinterest alone in my bed. I'm not proud of this, but this is the kind of anxiety the American wedding industrial complex instills in the modern bride. The night before my wedding, it rained sideways. We had already said no to our contingency rain plan, because the forecast said all clear at the time. I could think of nothing in those hours but drinking forbidden alcohol, eating forbidden Cape Cod potato chips, and drinking Champagne. The day of the wedding, the clouds parted and we had beautiful, perfect weather.

作爲女性，當我在婚禮前五天查看天氣時，最黑暗的時刻到來了。我當時坐在牀上，一個人看着Pinterest大哭。我並不以此事爲傲，但美國婚紗業羣體就是要讓現代新娘感受到這種焦慮。婚禮前一夜，雨下的超大。因爲天氣預報都是好天，所以我們已經否定了如果下雨該如何的計劃。在那段時間裏，除了喝禁酒、吃不能吃的Cape Cod薯片和喝香檳外，我啥事也想不出。婚禮當天，烏雲散去，那天的天氣晴朗、完美。