沒談這些事之前,先別考慮訂婚

After you and your partner get engaged, you'll be having lots of conversations-to nail down a wedding date, come up with an invite list, and figure out where to head for a honeymoon. But an engagement is about more than party planning; you two are starting a life together.

和另一半訂婚後，你們將會進行多次談話--確定結婚日期、列出邀請名單、想想去哪兒度蜜月。但訂婚不僅只是計劃聚會；你們倆可是要一起共度餘生啊。

And that means finding out if you're on the same page when it comes to some crucial topics. These kinds of talks aren't easy. But hashing out money, career, and other important issues before you put a ring on it can strengthen your bond and give you the confidence, says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, psychotherapist and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together.

而這就意味着，在一些重要的話題上，你們倆是否能步伐一致。進行這些談話並非易事。但在訂婚前，談一些涉及金錢、職業和其它重要問題的話題可以增強你倆的紐帶、讓你十分自信，心理治療師、《如何成爲快樂伴侶：共同努力》（How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together）一書的作者蒂娜·B·特希娜博士說道。

Do you want to have kids?

你想不想生小孩？

You probably have an idea about whether your partner wants to be a parent. "If the answer is yes, then there are many other questions to solve," says Tessina. How many children is ideal? Would you be open to adoption or surrogacy if fertility issues arise? Will one person stay home and be the primary caretaker?

你可能想過這個問題：你的另一半想不想成爲爸爸/媽媽。"如果答案是想，那麼很多問題都將迎刃而解，"特希娜說道。想生多少個孩子呢？如果出現生育問題，會不會願意接受領養或代孕？會不會有人留在家裏，全職照顧孩子？

How will we handle our finances?

我們該如何解決財務問題？

Money issues are a leading cause of divorce, so don't hold back on this one. "You may not think of your marriage as a business partnership, but a huge part of it is just that," says Tessina. "Just like a business, a marriage takes in income, pays expenses, and is supposed to have a little profit (think savings) left over."

財務問題是導致離婚的主要原因，所以在這個問題上不要退縮。"你可能不會把自己的婚姻想象成一個商業夥伴關係，但在很大程度上，婚姻就是這樣一種關係，"特希娜說。"和做生意一樣，婚姻也會有收入、支付費用，而且應該還能稍微獲利（比如存錢）。"

How do you see your career evolving?

你如何看待自己的職業發展前景？

Are you a workaholic and expect your partner to have the same commitment to their career? Do you want your spouse to resign and take on a bigger role handling family issues?

你是不是工作狂？是否期待另一半也能和你一樣認真對待工作？你是否希望另一半辭掉工作，更加註重家庭生活？

How involved will our families be?

家人能多大程度的介入我們的生活？

How you relate to your families is a source of tension among wedded partners. Be honest about how frequent you plan to spend time with your own parents and siblings, and what those interactions will be like-for example, do you plan to invite your parents over for dinner every weekend, or take an annual vacation with your sister and her brood? Address how involved you hope to be with your future in-laws too.

如何與家人聯繫是已婚夫婦鬧矛盾的一個導火索。坦誠說明自己打算多長時間與父母、兄弟姐妹呆在一起，以及你們將會如何度過--比如，你是打算每週去父母家吃晚飯，還是每年與姐妹以及她們的孩子共度假期？說清楚你希望的與未來公婆的相處模式。