健康小貼士:對付傻瓜的傻瓜手冊
Idiots.
傻瓜們。
The world is full of them. How hard it is for us, non-idiots, to put up with them. But to get our jobs done, our kids fed, and our pets groomed, we must Deal with them.
全世界都有他們。對於我們這些非傻瓜而言，忍受他們真是太難啊。但是爲了我們的工作能完成，孩子能被照顧，寵物能被看管，我們必須要面對他們。
Idiots come in many shapes, forms, and types, but the ones that frustrate me the most are those who don't believe in any form of mental illness. These creatures maintain that all mood disorders are cute, creative stories crafted by persons who enjoy obsessing, ruminating, and crying their eyes out... a wealthy bunch who can't think of anything better to do than come up with a make-believe tale about a few neurons wandering around the limbic system afraid to ask for directions, just like Moses.
傻瓜也有好多種樣子，形式和種類的，但是最打擊我的要數那些從不認爲有任何精神病的人啊。這些人都以爲情緒混亂是很可愛的，而且新鮮的故事是由那些喜歡沉迷，反覆思考和痛哭成稀里嘩啦的人們精心創造的......那是一羣想象豐富的人，除了一些虛幻的神話他們想不出什麼好的東西，好像一些漫無目的遊走在大腦邊緣系統的神經元，就像摩西神話。
We must tune out the idiots to achieve any kind of sanity or serenity. But how? Here are four ways that have worked for me.
我們必須要調整這些傻瓜能讓他們保持理智或者清醒狀態。但是怎麼辦呢？以下有四種我認爲奏效的方法。
1. Expect nothing.
不要期待任何
If you expect your cousin to understand your bipolar disorder, then you are going to be disappointed when your cousin doesn't understand your bipolar disorder. But if you sit down to lunch with her fully expecting her to space out on 90 percent of the conversation, you won't walk away from the table bummed out that she didn't inquire about your manic cycle. Or know that it doesn't have anything to do with a washing machine. I think Sylvia Plath was referring to idiots when she said, “If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed.” That goes for parents, in-laws, siblings, pets, spouses, children, and ministers.
如果你期待你的表兄妹理解你有兩極性格混亂，那麼你會失望的，他們根本就不這混亂。但是假如你坐着吃完午飯時候她期望她能控制90%的對話，那麼你將不會爲她沒有問問你的躁狂週期而沮喪的離開。或者知道這與洗衣機沒有關係的。我覺得Sylvia Plath說這句“如果你不從任何人期望任何東西，那麼你就從不會失望。”的時候，她是在說傻瓜。這句話對於父母，親戚，兄弟姐妹，寵物，配偶，孩子和傭人，都是一樣的。
2. Don't offer information.
不要提供信息。
I don't do this one well. I tend to spill my guts to whoever is seated next to me — which is why I have made so many friends on flights between Maryland and Ohio. The conversation doesn't always go well, though, especially if I'm talking to an adamant anti-medication person who believes all psychiatrists are agents of the devil, involved in a racket with Big Pharma, reaching into the pockets of innocent people everywhere, and spilling poison into the bloodstreams of children. Obviously, that dude is not going to approve of my I-would-be-a-gonner-without-meds tale. He could very well give me the old furrowed brow to express utter disapproval.
我這項做的不是很好。我經常在飛機上向我鄰座的人傾訴事情——這是爲什麼在馬里蘭和俄亥俄州我會有這麼的飛機上的朋友。然而這些交談也並不都是很好，尤其是當我和一個頑固的抵制藥物治療的人交談，他會認爲所有的精神科醫生都是魔鬼的代理人，參與制藥活動並觸及到各處無辜人們的口袋，同時將毒藥注入小孩子的血液中。很明顯，這樣的人將不會贊同我這個沒有藥物就活不下去的說法，並緊皺眉頭示意他的反對。
At this point, most folks would change gears and go back to talking about the weather or the turbulence ahead. On a bad day, however, I keep going full stream ahead and absorb this guy's opinion, tossing it around in my head. Before the flight is over, I am back to feeling like a pathetic loser who is addicted to antidepressants and at the mercy of an evil empire.
在這時候，許多的人就會改變話題或者談論一下天氣和前段的颱風。然而，在糟糕的一天，我將會繼續聽下去，汲取這傢伙的意見，在大腦裏反覆想。在飛行結束前，我會悲慘像個失敗者，沉溺於抗抑鬱藥並且受到心魔的控制。
When this happens in a dialogue with a close idiot in my life, I take the disapproval very personally and I start to dislike myself. No one, however, can disapprove of you, or furrow the brow, if he has no information to analyze or shred. So if you stop giving the idiot material to bash, he will have to find something else to grate—hopefully, a person, place, or thing that has nothing to do with you or your life.
當這是發生在與我身邊的傻瓜的對話時，我會非常任性的反對並且開始不喜歡自己了。如果一個人沒有東西值得討論和訴說了，那麼他怎麼也不會反對或者反感你。因此，如果你不再對蠢事爭辯，那麼他將不得不找別的東西來說——很可能是一個人、地方或事物,與你或你的生活無關。
3. Try some visualization.
嘗試一些形象化
This technique helps me with the idiots I have to see on a regular basis. Visualization essentially gives you some much-needed boundaries to protect yourself from the cannon that could be fired at the next family function. You have to experiment to find the right kind of visualization for you. For example, you could visualize yourself in a bubble, where absolutely nothing can hurt you. It resembles a mother’s womb — a place many of us would like to revisit. Or you can envision the idiot in a bubble. Whatever she tries to launch at you isn't able to penetrate the protective force.
這個方法幫我對付一些經常遇見的傻瓜。形象化基本上讓你獲得更多需要的界限來保護自己不受別的家庭作用的詆譭。你不得不嘗試爲自己找到合適的形象。例如，你可以把自己看做一個密閉的泡泡，完全沒有東西能傷害到你。它就像母親的子宮——一個我們都希望能再次探訪的地方。或者你也可以把傻瓜看成一個泡泡。不論她嘗試對你做什麼，也不能穿透這個保護的力量。
My recent visualization is to imagine that the deemed idiot is made of stone. Why? Because I am continually frustrated that she doesn't respond with more compassion. Visualizing her as a statue of ivory stone reminds me to keep my expectations in check and that she can't take away my self-esteem or self-worth just by her cold, stoic way of being.
我最近想象那些傻瓜都是石頭做的。爲什麼？因爲我總是沮喪地發現她很少有同情的一面。把她看成一尊象牙石能隨時提醒我審視自己的預期，她冷淡和漠視的方式不能損壞我的自尊和價值。
4. Don't take it personally.
不要私人的對待。
I really hate it when people say this to me. However, I read chapter three of Don Miguel Ruiz's classic, The Four Agreements on my way to see an idiot the other day, and his words helped me build a layer of protection around myself so that I left her house feeling less disappointed and hurt than I usually do. Ruiz explains that we can become immune to hurt and rejection. For real. He writes:
我真的討厭別人對我這麼說。然而，我讀了 Don Miguel Ruiz 經典作的第三章，在前不久看到傻瓜後的四協議，他的文字幫我建立了一層保護，因此以後再從她家出來的時候不會像以前一樣感到傷心沮喪。Ruiz解釋道我們能不再受到傷害和拋棄。認真的說，他寫道：
There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. You become immune to black magicians, and no spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be. The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don't take it personally you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don't take it personally, you will not eat it. When you don't take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you... As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won't need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.
當你能不私人的看待事情時，你將獲得更多的自由。你將能對黑色魔術免疫，不論它有多麼強大，沒有法術能影響。這個世界可能都說你閒話，倘若你能不私人的看待，你將不受影響。有些人會故意發出情緒化的毒藥，倘若你能不私人的對待，你將不會接招。並且由於你沒有接受這毒藥，那麼作亂者將自食其果，而不是你......如果你沒有談論私人情況的習慣，那麼你也不必去相信別人的所作所爲。你需要做的只是相信自己並且做出負責的抉擇。你從不需要爲別人的行爲負責；你只爲你負責。當你真正明白這點，並且拒絕私人的看待事情，那麼你幾乎不會再被別人無心的評論和行爲傷害到。
There you have it! The Idiot's Guide to Dealing With Idiots!
你應經明白了！對付傻瓜的傻瓜手冊！
