馬斯克和傻瓜億萬富豪俱樂部

Is there anything sillier than a billionaire? Thanks to a billionaire, a red sports car is now pootling about outer space. Elon Musk — PayPal tycoon, visionary loon — whooshed it up there on a rocket. “It’s kind of silly,” he says. Yes it is. It is also kind of an ad for Tesla Motors. He is not that silly. Either way, he has made us all look a little ridiculous. When aliens discover a sexy red sports car off-roading through the cosmos they are going to think Earth is having a midlife crisis.

這世上還有什麼比億萬富翁更愚蠢的嗎？多虧一位億萬富翁，如今纔有一輛紅色跑車在外太空漫遊。埃隆?馬斯克(Elon Musk)——創立了PayPal的大亨、有遠見的傻子——用一枚火箭嗖地把這輛跑車送上了天。“這有點兒傻，”他說。沒錯，是傻。這也算是給特斯拉汽車(Tesla Motors)打的廣告。他可沒那麼傻。不管怎樣，他倒讓我們看起來都有點可笑。當外星人發現一輛性感的紅色跑車在宇宙中穿梭時，他們會認爲地球正在經歷中年危機。

We are. One hundred and forty-five people became billionaires last year, according to UBS. Data gathered by the Bloomberg Billionaires Index reveal that in 2017 the world’s richest 500 people became $1tn richer. That is more than three times the GDP of Denmark. According to the Institute for Policy Studies, the three richest men in the US own more wealth than the entire bottom half of the country’s population.

我們確實如此。據瑞銀(UBS)統計，去年有145人成爲億萬富翁。彭博億萬富翁指數(Bloomberg's Billionaires Index)收集的數據顯示，2017年，全球最富有的500人的財富增加了1萬億美元。這個數字是丹麥國內生產總值(GDP)的三倍多。根據美國智庫政策研究所(IPS)的數據，美國最富有的三個男人所擁有的財富，比美國財富排名後一半的人口擁有的財富還要多。

Fortunately, for us all, Musk is building a city next. On Mars. By the 2060s. You can go but it will probably cost you $200,000 to get there. Musk is not the only billionaire with a fruity idea about building a city and the cash to do it. Peter Thiel — who co-founded PayPal with Musk — seed-funded a floating city that the Seasteading Institute is building off the coast of French Polynesia. Google billionaire Larry Page has a subsidiary of Alphabet Inc working on how to build a city from scratch.

對我們大家來說，幸運的是，馬斯克接下來要建設一座城市。建在火星上。會在2060年代建成。到時你可以去那裏，但花費很可能將高達20萬美元。除了馬斯克，其他億萬富豪也有建造城市的瘋狂念頭和所需的現金。與馬斯克共同創立PayPal的彼得?蒂爾(Peter Thiel)，爲海上家園研究所(Seasteading Institute)在法屬波利尼西亞的海上建造一座漂浮城市的項目提供了種子資金。谷歌(Google)的億萬富翁拉里?佩奇(Larry page)讓Alphabet公司的一個子公司研究如何從零開始建造一座城市。

Some billionaires build, others redecorate. Oil and gas tycoon Timothy Headington is remodelling downtown Dallas as if it were his front room. He has opened hotels, restaurants and plonked a gigantic sculpture of a bloodshot eyeball city-centre.

有些億萬富翁在建設，有人則在翻修。石油和天然氣巨頭蒂莫西?黑丁頓(Timothy Headington)正重建達拉斯市中心城區，好像那是他的客廳一樣。他開了酒店、餐館，並在市中心放置了一座佈滿血絲的眼球形狀的巨型雕塑。

If I were a silly billionaire — a silly billy — I’d consider renovating my own front room, Washington DC. I wouldn’t bother with gigantic eyeballs though. I’d borrow Donald Trump’s hair-do and run it up the White House flagpole. For fun. Or tourism. Or art. Donald wouldn’t mind. He’d say Mar-a-La-Go-for-it. We’d be close. Imaginary billionaires love other imaginary billionaires.

如果我是一個愚蠢的億萬富翁，一個傻瓜，我會考慮翻新我自己的客廳——華盛頓特區。不過，我不會使用巨大的眼球。我要借用唐納德?特朗普(Donald Trump)的髮型，把它裝在白宮的旗杆上。爲了好玩。或爲了旅遊業。或是藝術。唐納德不會介意的。他會說，海湖莊園加油。我們會很親密。富有想象力的億萬富翁們喜歡別的富有想象力的億萬富翁。

I’d do construction work. I’d erect a handful of statues to stir things up. Then I’d tear them down to stir things up some more. I’d be the one to finally build everyone an actual mall on the National Mall so people could shop in my stores during inauguration speeches. Then I’d build a Hexagon next to the Pentagon.

我將實施建築工程。我要豎起幾尊雕像來攪動氣氛。然後我會拆除它們，再次攪動氣氛。我將成爲終於在國家廣場(National Mall)上爲所有人建一個真正的購物廣場的人，這樣人們就可以一邊聽就職演說，一邊在我的商店裏購物。然後，我將在五角大樓旁邊建一座六角大樓。

I’d serve the public good. I’d replace the traffic lights on Independence Avenue with chandeliers so the masses could enjoy luxury road crossings. I’d install underfloor heating in the sidewalks to keep the homeless warm in winter. I’d build a library for underprivileged children. And I’d build it out of money. To show I was serious.

我將爲公衆利益服務。我會把獨立大道(Independence Avenue)上的交通燈換成枝形吊燈，這樣大衆就能享受豪華的十字路口。我會在人行道上安裝地暖設施，讓無家可歸的人在冬天裏取暖。我會爲貧困兒童建一座圖書館。我會用金錢來建造它，證明我是認真的。

I’d entertain the masses. I’d acquire a Washington sports team. I’d acquire the most cut-throat, hungry-for-the-spotlight, blood sport team in the history of turf. I’d acquire the House of Representatives. I’d make them play ball. If they so much as contemplated shutting down the federal government over a budget deal, I’d AstroTurf the United States Botanic Garden and make them legislate doing star jumps.

我將娛樂大衆。我會收購華盛頓的一隻運動隊。我會收購歷史上最兇殘、最愛表現的狩獵運動隊。我會收購衆議院。我會讓他們打球。如果他們竟想因爲預算協議讓聯邦政府停擺，我就會在美國國家植物園(United States Botanic Garden)裏鋪上阿斯特羅特夫尼龍人造草皮(AstroTurf)，讓他們一邊做流星式撲救一邊立法。

I’d endow institutions. I’d endow the National Portrait Gallery. They’d hang a large portrait of me in the foyer, titled “Anonymous” — for modesty. I’d endow The Ronald Reagan Institute of Emergency Medicine and offer to perform surgery on any patients who couldn’t afford healthcare. I’d endow Georgetown University with so much filthy lucre it would let me rename one of its buildings after my family’s dead dogs: the Romeo, Babe and Bilbo Baggins Institute for Quantum Physics.

我將資助機構。我會資助國立肖像館(National Portrait Gallery)。他們會在門廳裏掛上一幅我的大幅肖像，爲表謙虛，給它取名叫“無名氏”。我會資助羅納德?里根急診醫學研究所(Ronald Reagan Institute of Emergency Medicine)，讓他們給那些沒錢看病的患者做手術。我會把很多不義之財捐給喬治城大學(Georgetown University)，讓我用我家死去的幾條狗爲它的一座建築重新命名：羅密歐、巴貝和比爾博?巴金斯量子物理研究所(Romeo, Babe and Bilbo Baggins Institute for Quantum Physics)。

I’d have the Midas touch. I’d touch the Washington Monument. It would turn to solid gold. Then I’d touch the Lincoln Memorial, but just Abe’s bow tie — to keep him honest. Everything I touched would be so golden it would make my buddy Trump’s taste look silver. Donald wouldn’t mind because he is, like, a really smart person.

我將擁有點石成金的本領。我會觸摸華盛頓紀念碑(Washington Monument)。它會變成純金的。然後我就去摸林肯紀念堂(Lincoln Memorial)，但只摸亞伯(Abe)的蝶形領結——讓他保持誠實。我碰觸過的每一件東西都將變得如此金燦燦，這會讓我的朋友特朗普的品味看起來銀亮亮。唐納德不會介意，因爲他像是一個非常聰明的人。

I’d use my money as wisely as any billionaire. Which is to say I wouldn’t. Because I probably shouldn’t be a billionaire. No one should be. So Musk and 173 others of the world’s wealthiest have signed Warren Buffett’s Giving Pledge; a promise to give the majority of their riches to philanthropic causes. Nothing silly about that. It is romantic to build utopias; it is moral to fix what is broken. We don’t need billionaires. We need their billions back. For the cities that already exist. For the people in them. For goodness’ sake.

我會像任何億萬富翁那樣明智地花錢。也就是說我不會明智地花錢。因爲我很可能不該成爲億萬富翁。誰也不該。因此，馬斯克和其他173個世界上最富有的人在沃倫?巴菲特(Warren Buffett)發起的“捐贈誓約”(Giving Pledge)上籤了字；承諾將他們的大多數財富捐獻給慈善事業。這麼做一點兒也不愚蠢。建立烏托邦是浪漫的；修補破損的東西是道德的。我們不需要億萬富翁。我們需要他們把億萬財富回饋大衆。用於已存在的城市。用於這些城市裏的居民。看在上帝的份上。

Jenny Lee is an imaginary billionaire

珍妮?李是一名虛構的億萬富翁。