諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第9章Part 5

"Uh huh," said Sethe, and told Denver that she believed Beloved had been locked up by somewhiteman for his own purposes, and never let out the door. That she must have escaped to a bridgeor someplace and rinsed the rest out of her mind. Something like that had happened to Ella exceptit was two men — -a father and son — - and Ella remembered every bit of it. For more than a year,they kept her locked in a room for themselves.
"You couldn't think up," Ella had said, "what them two done to me."
Sethe thought it explained Beloved's behavior around Paul D, whom she hated so.
Denver neither believed nor commented on Sethe's speculations, and she lowered her eyes andnever said a word about the cold house. She was certain that Beloved was the white dress that hadknelt with her mother in the keeping room, the true-to-life presence of the baby that had kept hercompany most of her life. And to be looked at by her, however briefly, kept her grateful for therest of the time when she was merely the looker. Besides, she had her own set of questions whichhad nothing to do with the past. The present alone interested Denver, but she was careful to appearuninquisitive about the things she was dying to ask Beloved, for if she pressed too hard, she mightlose the penny that the held-out palm wanted, and lose, therefore, the place beyond appetite. It wasbetter to feast, to have permission to be the looker, because the old hunger — the before-Belovedhunger that drove her into boxwood and cologne for just a taste of a life, to feel it bumpy and notflat — was out of the question. Looking kept it at bay.
So she did not ask Beloved how she knew about the earrings, the night walks to the cold house orthe tip of the thing she saw when Beloved lay down or came undone in her sleep. The look, whenit came, came when Denver had been careful, had explained things, or participated in things, ortold stories to keep her occupied when Sethe was at the restaurant. No given chore was enough toput out the licking fire that seemed always to burn in her. Not when they wrung out sheets so tightthe rinse water ran back up their arms. Not when they shoveled snow from the path to theouthouse. Or broke three inches of ice from the rain barrel; scoured and boiled last summer'scanning jars, packed mud in the cracks of the hen house and warmed the chicks with their skirts.

"哦。"塞絲應道，然後告訴丹芙，她相信寵兒曾經被某個白人關了起來，以滿足他的私慾，從來不讓出門。她肯定是逃到了一座橋之類的地方，將其餘的一切從記憶中洗去。有點像艾拉的故事，不過那是兩個男人——父子倆——而且艾拉記得一清二楚。有一年多，他們爲了滿足自己，一直把她鎖在一間屋子裏。
"你想象不出來，"艾拉說過，"他們倆對我幹了些什麼。"
塞絲認爲這就能說得通寵兒在保羅·D周圍的表現了，她是那麼討厭他。
丹芙不相信塞絲的推測，也不表態，她垂下眼簾，隻字不提冷藏室的事。她敢肯定，寵兒就是起居室裏和她媽媽跪在一起的白裙子，是伴她度過大半生的那個嬰兒以真身出場了。能夠得到她哪怕短暫的注視，即使在其餘時間裏只當個注視者，也讓丹芙感激涕零。再說，她有她自己的一系列與過去無關的問題要問。只有現在，才讓丹芙感興趣，可是她小心謹慎地不表露出想問寵兒那些事情的強烈慾望，因爲如果她逼得太緊，她就可能失去那枚伸出的手掌討要的銅子兒，因而失去那超越食慾的地方。最好去大吃大喝，去保留做一個注視者的權利，因爲原來的飢餓——寵兒之前的飢餓，驅使她進入黃楊樹叢和香水之中，只爲嚐嚐一種生活的味道，品味它的坎坷與不平——已不在考慮之列了。寵兒的注視已將它置於絕境。
所以她沒有問寵兒她是怎麼知道耳環的，沒有問冷藏室的夜行，還有寵兒躺下或解衣睡覺時她看見的那東西的一端。那注視，它來臨的時候，往往正是丹芙專心致志的時候，她不是在解釋事情，就是在參與做事情，要麼就是當塞絲去餐館時，她正在給寵兒講故事打發時光。任何分派的家務活都不能撲滅彷彿時時刻刻在她心中燃燒的烈火。她們使勁擰牀單、水順着胳膊直流的時候不能；她們將積雪從小路上鏟到廁所裏的時候不能；砸碎雨水桶裏三英寸厚的冰層時也不能；擦洗和燒煮去年夏天的罐頭瓶子、往雞窩的裂縫上抹泥和用裙子暖和雞雛的時候還是不能；