辦公室有人哭了 同事們該如何應對大綱

We all know the workplace isn’t the best place to cry. But sometimes it just happens. Your anger or frustration boils over into tears. Or perhaps a co-worker bursts in and sobs at your desk.

衆所周知，職場可不是適合放聲大哭的地方。但這種事有時候難免發生。你的憤怒或沮喪會變成淚水奪眶而出。或者有同事會突然闖進來，趴在你的辦公桌上啜泣不已。

Whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of unexpected waterworks, how do you handle this situation?

不論是自己流淚，還是看到別人流淚，面對這種意外情況，你該如何應對？

Why people cry at work

人們爲什麼會在工作中哭泣？

First, let’s address why people might cry in the office. Sometimes a heated argument or conflict will push one party to the point of tears, from anger or frustration. Or the sobs could come as a welcome release of tension from stress or feeling powerless. Maybe you’re simply sad because of a personal struggle or a loss in your life.

首先，我們需要找出人們在辦公室哭泣的原因。有時候，激烈的爭論或衝突會導致一方因爲憤怒或沮喪而流淚。在面對壓力或感覺無能爲力的時候，哭泣或許是一種很好的減壓方式。或許，你只是因爲個人的困難或生活中的損失而感到傷心。

Often, the tears bubble to the surface because someone gives a sympathetic look or ear. That’s what happened to Dan Binstock, a partner at attorney search firm Garrison & Sisson in Washington D.C. A lawyer whom Binstock had recruited to a new job came into the office after giving notice to his current partners and being subjected to a guilt trip for leaving them. In just a few minutes, the man started crying.

有時候，我們會因爲別人頗具同情心的表情或傾聽而忍不住流下淚水。華盛頓特區律師獵頭公司Garrison & Sisson的合夥人丹o賓斯托克就曾遇到過這種情況。賓斯托克爲一個新工作崗位招聘的律師來到他的辦公室。這位律師此前剛剛通知現在律所的合夥人他要離開，併爲此深感內疚。不一會兒，那個人便哭了起來。

“I could tell he had been through the wringer,” Binstock recalls. “It was that feeling of disappointing everyone and how they were manipulating him. It wore him out at a time when he was already extremely sensitive and had a lot of stress from moving his practice.”

賓斯托克回憶道：“看得出來，他經歷過一番折磨。這種令大家失望的感覺和其他人對他的反應，深深影響着他。當時他已經極度敏感，因爲要跳槽而面臨巨大的壓力，這種情緒令他精疲力竭。”

Some years ago, Laurin Blumenthal Kleiman, global co-head of Sidley Austin’s investment management practice, received the unwelcome news that her middle son’s school wouldn’t offer him a place in the fall. Her son’s special needs had made finding the right educational fit a challenge in the first place, and it was a time of year when it was too late to find another school placement easily. “He was being tossed from the one environment where we thought he could succeed and there was no alternative,” Kleiman recalls.

幾年前，盛德國際律師事務所（Sidley Austin）投資管理業務部的全球聯席主管勞林o布魯門塔爾o克萊曼，收到一個糟糕的通知：她第二個兒子就讀的學校拒絕在秋天繼續給他提供上學機會。兒子的特殊需求讓她很難找到合適的學校，而且當時再去找其他學校已經爲時已晚。克萊曼回憶道：“我們本來認爲他會在那裏取得成功，根本沒有備選方案，結果卻被拋棄。”

She approached her boss to ask for time away from work so she could manage the school search and mandatory meetings. “He looked so concerned that I just started weeping,” she says.

於是，她找老闆請假，去解決孩子的擇校問題和一些必須參加的會議。她說道：“他看起來非常關心我的事，所以我禁不住哭了起來。”

How to respond to tears

如何應對淚水

If you’re crying because of frustration with a work issue, don’t ignore the situation, advises Joan Williams, professor at the University of California Hastings School of Law. Instead, say, “When I’m crying, it’s because I’m pissed. This is what it looks like when I am really outraged.”

加州大學哈斯汀法學院（University of California Hastings School of Law）教授喬安o威廉姆斯建議，如果你因爲工作問題導致的沮喪而哭泣，不要忽視這種情況。相反，要說出來：“我之所以在哭泣，是因爲我很生氣。這就是我真正憤怒時候的樣子。”

Continue speaking about the issue on the table if you physically can. If not, don’t apologize, but say, “now we’re going to discontinue this discussion because I find what happened just that troubling. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to continue this conversation,” Williams says.

如果可以的話，把問題擺在桌面上進行討論。如果做不到，也不必道歉，但威廉姆斯表示，要告訴對方：“下面我們先中斷討論吧，因爲我發現情況有些麻煩。如果我做好了繼續談話的準備，我會告訴大家。”

The key is to acknowledge the emotion or the circumstances that led to your outburst, but don’t apologize for it. “When you start apologizing, it takes one person’s discomfort and makes two people uncomfortable,” Binstock says. Indeed, if you’re crying because of a sympathetic response, “there’s no reason to apologize that you feel comfortable enough with someone to let your emotions out.”

關鍵是要承認導致自己情緒爆發的情感或環境，但沒有必要道歉。賓斯托克表示：“如果你開始道歉，對方會感覺不舒服，這樣會讓兩個人都難受。”事實上，如果你是因爲對方的同情反應而哭泣，“更沒有理由因爲有人讓你宣泄自己的情緒而向對方表示歉意。”

Then, move on. “Just get over it. Everyone else will forget about it if you forget about it,” Kleiman says.

之後，要繼續前進。克萊曼說道：“要忘記它。只要你自己把這件事忘掉，其他人就不會記住它。”

That’s good advice if you’re on the receiving end of tears as well. Don’t make a big deal about it, and try to move past the incident.

這項建議也適用於別人在你面前哭泣的時候。不要在這件事上花費太多精力，把它當作一個小插曲，儘快放下，繼續前進。

The upside to crying

哭泣的好處

While no expert would recommend crying as a strategy for career success, there is a silver lining. Tears can be cathartic or a means of clearing the air.

儘管從來沒有專家建議把哭泣作爲職業成功的策略，但這種情況也有一絲亮點。眼淚可以是消除誤會的良藥。

Kim Bowers, CEO of retailer CST Brands, only rarely has been pushed to the point of crying at work. At a previous company, she was in the middle of a lengthy transaction, going through the umpteenth negotiation session with the counterparty, when she finally lost it. She slammed books, made some intemperate comments, and quickly left the conference room. She sought out an empty corridor where she ultimately burst into tears.

零售公司CST Brands的CEO吉姆o鮑爾斯很少在工作中哭泣。在此前供職的一家公司，她曾經負責一筆漫長的交易，與交易對手經過了無數次談判，最終還是以失敗告終。她把書摔在桌子上，說了一些過激的話，然後快步離開會議室。在一個沒有人的走廊，她終於放聲大哭起來。

“It was a buildup of weeks and months. Nothing has ever been as tough,” Bowers recalls. “I envy folks that have the ability to absorb it and move on. Every interaction I have is personal. When they go poorly and I can’t fix it, I don’t like that.”

鮑爾斯回憶道：“那是幾周甚至幾個月的情緒積累。以前從未經歷過如此艱難的事情。我很羨慕那些能夠承受住壓力繼續前行的人。對於我來說，每一次人際交往都是私人往來。在他們身處困境的時候，我卻無能爲力，我不喜歡這種感覺。”

She found a quiet place to regain her composure, and the team continued with the discussions. While Bowers would have preferred to have kept her temper, she didn’t dwell on the incident. In fact, the negotiations may even have picked up pace because the outburst brought home to everyone in the room how drawn-out the discussions had become. “It probably helped that I snapped because I was the last person in the room they expected to snap,” she says.

她找了一個安靜的地方讓自己恢復冷靜，然後團隊繼續討論。雖然鮑爾斯更願意控制自己的脾氣，但她沒有在這件事上糾結下去。事實上，談判甚至可能加快了節奏，因爲她的突然爆發讓會議室裏的所有人認識到，討論已經拖延了很長時間。她說道：“我的突然崩潰可能有所幫助，因爲在他們看來，我應該是房間裏最後一個撐不下去的人。”

As executive director of nonprofit Food & Friends, Craig Shniderman works on a daily basis with adults living with AIDS, cancer, and other challenging illnesses, as well as his team of staff and volunteers who provide meals to those individuals. It’s difficult work that sometimes becomes emotional, and that’s a good thing.

作爲非營利機構Food & Friends的執行董事，克雷格o施耐德曼每天接觸的都是患有艾滋病、癌症和其他疑難雜症的人，還有爲這些人提供食物的員工和志願者。這份工作並不輕鬆，有時候會變得情緒化，不過這是好事。

“Sometimes, to tear up is a way of communicating,” Shniderman says, recalling a time when an acquaintance of his needed Food & Friends service—someone in her early 30s, the same age as his own child. “When I thought about that woman, I thought about my own child.”

施耐德曼回憶起一位需要Food&Friends服務的熟人，她剛剛30多歲，與他的孩子年齡相仿。他說道：“有時候，流淚是一種溝通的方式。每當我想到那位女士，我都會想起自己的孩子。”

Talking to a colleague about the situation, he started to tear up, and he welcomed the experience. “It was actually good because it connected me in a very powerful way to the work I do in my life,” he says.

與同事談到這種情形時，他流下了眼淚，但他欣然接受這種經歷。他說道：“這種經歷很好，因爲它將我與我的畢生事業強有力地聯繫在一起。”